#263

No one plans on divorced parenthood, on ping-ponging the kids between separate homes. It's annoying for M 'n' m. Of course it is. We talk about it. I say things like, "It's challenging, I know, but you're extraordinary! And besides, unbroken homes are boring." So that's dumb and NOT what I say, but I do hint at things like adaptability and breadth of experience. Michael flies on airplanes by himself, and has no qualms about long visits to any of seven or eight different places annually (in different states with different relatives). He's pretty comfortable anywhere, and he's not possessive of things; his stuff is often at Mom's when he's at Dad's, anyway, and vice versa). Divorce isn't the only thing that exposes kids to home-life imperfection, but it's not a happy moment for me as a divorced parent to see the research. I know the statistics. But I know M 'n' m also; I know their teachers, friends, schools, communities. I'm impressed and grateful. There's hope! And I can't really coddle and shield M 'n' m too much, which is good if all the criticism of 'helicopter parenting' is valid. Millennials are mocked for being spoiled, entitled, and expectant of praise and reward for everything they do. I praise the shit out of M 'n' m, frankly, but in some ways, related to the inconveniences of their lifestyle, I wouldn't call them spoiled. (In other ways, hell yeah, they're so spoiled it's crazy.)

'Grit' as an indicator of success is all the rage. I'm tired of hearing about it, because I'm not sure I possess it. But I hope M 'n' m do. A good life isn't easy or emotionally safe or linear. In electrical engineering, if a problem or relationship is linear, it's easier to understand and project. Not so with life, for most people I know. My childhood was pleasant and convenient and until a few years ago I was afraid of my own shadow. That's overstated, sure, but I hope M 'n' m are okay with discomfort, adversity, uncertainty, ambiguity, mystery. These are part and parcel of a vibrant, abundant, love-filled life. I hope my children's lives can be described this way. Roll with the punches, kids, keep answering the bell, and in doing so, you will honor those who gave you life: God, your ancestors, your loved ones. And believe it or not, you'll have a lot of fun, too. Amen.