Do you lie to your kids? Do they lie to you? Mark Twain wrote an essay...

... called On Decay of the Art of Lying. I found it interesting; I am, after all, a parent. I need to detect, and also tell, the occasional lie. Hopefully only soft lies, productive, purposeful lies, you know, for positive effect; I mean the lies I'll tell M 'n' m, to postpone the truth until they're older, or to avoid cynicism or unhelpful discouragement; there are many reasons to fib and evade. But my kids are – and I bet yours are too – astute, curious, and, at times, suspicious of my recollections and commentary as it pertains to my own bad behavior, or the bad behavior of others or the world in general. In other words, they can detect lies too. So... should we master the art of lying? It seems Samuel Clemens is suggesting that very thing: Yes, lying is called for sometimes and best done proficiently. "Have you ever smoked a cigarette, Dad?" Or, from their generation, "Do you vape?" M 'n' m and I have talked about it (and I was pretty honest, actually; more about chewing tobacco than smoking it for me). "What drugs have you seen? What drugs have you done? How old were you?” We've touched on this, also, but not in great detail. And the topic of sex? We can refuse to answer, but that's not the right message either. Between parents and children, lying and hypocrisy absolutely take place, and understandably. Effective lying – and this is the real thrust of Twain’s candor here – is often an appropriate courtesy, as well.

Twain says, "Everybody lies – every day; every hour; awake; asleep; in his dreams; in his joy; in his mourning; if he keeps his tongue still, his hands, his feet, his eyes, his attitude, will convey deception – and purposely.... The iron-souled truth-monger would plainly manifest, or even utter that he didn't want to see those people – and he would be an ass, and inflict totally unnecessary pain.... but never mind, they had a thousand pleasant ways of lying, that grew out of gentle impulses, and were a credit to their intelligence and an honor to their hearts. Let the particulars go.... I think that all courteous lying is a sweet and loving art, and should be cultivated. The highest perfection of politeness is only a beautiful edifice, built, from the base to the dome, of graceful and gilded forms of charitable and unselfish lying.... An injurious lie is an uncommendable thing; and so, also, and in the same degree, is an injurious truth.... Almost any little pleasant lie would have taken the sting out of that troublesome but necessary expression of the truth. Lying is universal – we all do it. Therefore, the wise thing is for us diligently to train ourselves to lie thoughtfully, judiciously; to lie with a good object, and not an evil one; to lie for others' advantage, and not our own; to lie healingly, charitably, humanely, not cruelly, hurtfully, maliciously; to lie gracefully and graciously, not awkwardly and clumsily; to lie firmly, frankly, squarely...."