#389

Aziz Ansari. I like his comedy. I like his TV show. I’ve quoted him here. But I don’t think a 34-year-old guy should go on a date with a 22-year-old girl and NOT be prepared for a little scrutiny. Frankly, it comes across as slightly messed up to me, if not outright predatory, and certainly not the healthiest arrangement for either party (in the humble opinion of this early-forties father). Admittedly, a 39-year-old man dating a 27-year-old woman sounds better. These are my prejudices. At 22 I was painfully immature, impressionable, and, relationship-wise, inexperienced. If, back then, a lovely 34-year-old woman suggested we go on a date, I don’t know how I would’ve responded – see the part about me being immature – but her intentions would not have been to conversate and impart life wisdom. (Since she was in high school when I was in diapers, I'll assume her superiority in life wisdom. Although going out with my 22-year-old dumb ass would indicate no wisdom.) Thankfully, established women know better. They like real men. Not 22-year-old kids.

It feels dangerous to comment on the #MeToo movement, but we're entitled to opinions, right? Criticizing Aziz Ansari (who did nothing illegal and is now being supported by countless women decrying his 'character assassination') is obviously controversial. A 22-year-old woman might think, "Exactly. Why would I date a stupid 22-year-old boy when I can date a man, someone older and refined?" Good question. But I dispute the refinement of a 30-something 'man' who dates a college girl. I just do. Regardless, as a father of a daughter, this is my view: under no circumstances should a woman be made to feel uncomfortable and without recourse, especially in the workplace, especially around men of influence and power, especially around men twice their age, especially around any man. Guys should take a hint, get a clue. I realize, however, this view could be over-simplified and naive in some ways. People are complex. Relationships can be really complex. I believe the private lives of people should remain private barring illegality and harm to the helpless and innocent. Regarding M 'n' m, this is another reminder to preach to them about respect, boundaries, personal comfort and responsibility, the strength to escape bad behavior, the strength to confront it, and so on. I don't know all the answers, but age-appropriate discussion with kids is good. I think. Even if they aren't listening. They probably aren't listening.

It also feels dangerous to flip something like the Aziz Ansari story around – as I did above – and consider the scenario of an older woman and a much younger man. I realize #MeToo has everything to do with men behaving badly. But flipping it around called to mind a guy I saw at a Barnes & Noble in Iowa City a few years back. He was with Mila Kunis that day, but Ashton Kutcher, coincidentally – I just Googled it – married Demi Moore when he was 27 and she was 42. The marriage lasted six years and who's to say it wasn't good for both of them. For whatever reason, I guess I'd be more critical of Demi if she was 35 or 37 to Ashton's 20 or 22. Why? Well, life isn't linear to me, even if the law says you're an adult at 18, or 21, or whenever. There are periods of higher growth, sensitivity, and vulnerability. Call me crazy. I do.

Go Vikings in the NFC Championship! M 'n' m have family in Minnesota. Michael likes the Vikes. I almost wrote 'Viqueens' there but I didn't. I'm a Bears fan but not a hater. We'll talk about passive-aggression some other time. Also, employing the feminine as derogatory.