#386

I tell Megan that she's beautiful. It's funny, however, that it triggers some conflicted thinking, or critical thinking; critical of me, I mean, for emphasizing the wrong things? But I tell Meg she's beautiful – and also my nieces – because: (1) I mean it. (2) They are family so I don't consider it inappropriate. (3) I think being appreciative of your human hardware, so to speak – your physical form, body, capabilities – and being okay with your physical appearance, is helpful to mental health and maturation in young people (4) Young people generally need more confidence and security, not less. (5) Young people need more parental support, not less, and more parental attention, not less, more attention from fathers, especially, it seems, even if our efforts, example, and words aren't perfect (6) Unless you're an ostrich, you'll notice that a certain amount of focus on the physical (health, fitness, appearance, attraction) is part of our culture; right or wrong it's reality and denying so feels counterproductive, maybe even harmful. (7) I praise Megan for numerous non-physical attributes also, which leads to me to... (8) I think she knows that beauty isn't just skin deep; but that's what I worry about. Summary of all points and concerns above I guess: I need to make sure that Megan knows beauty isn't just skin deep. It's much more. As a means to impart this, I don't intend to be restrained in neither my compliments nor my comments about what I think enhances beauty and grace and class, and what detracts from it. So there. It doesn't help that every magazine stand in the country is about half-full of covers featuring six pack abs and toned, glossy bodies, male and female. Even reputable magazines, ones that advise and inform, are too much about looking awesome, and too quick to stage and photoshop every image. They're almost like cartoons in this way, unreal, like superheroes, and I hope every kid sees through this. Admittedly, these magazines do their job of grabbing eyeballs, mine included. This is another thing I can talk to M 'n' m about, understand what grabs your attention and why; your attention and energy are finite, spend them wisely. And I'll be tempted to preach about 'external versus internal beauty,' but I don't find them very distinct or disparate actually; the 'internal' can so drastically affect the 'external.' As far as being human, and at times insecure and swayed by the superficial, I confess: guilty. I appreciate compliments and confidence-boosting comments, superficial or otherwise, and I have no plans to stop appreciating them. I have no plans to stop offering them, either, to others, when appropriate. "You look fantastic." And, "You look bright and full of energy, you are definitely gonna get shit done today!" Or maybe I'll tell Megan, "You look fantastic, and you look ready to go be fantastic, you know, ready to go do good things in the world, be a good person, a fantastic person." So I need to work on my compliments for Megan. I guess that's the whole point of my scribbling today.

"The things that make a woman beautiful – moving with grace, accepting yourself, the ability to enjoy life – are timeless. I don't think elaborate rituals make a woman beautiful."
     — Winona Ryder

"The disease of our times is that we live on the surface. We're like the Platte River, a mile wide and an inch deep."
     — Steven Pressfield

"Beauty, like supreme dominion,
Is but supported by opinion."
     — Ben Franklin

"Beauty in things exists merely in the mind which contemplates them."
     — David Hume

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder."
     — common saying

"Beauty is in the eye of the beer-holder."
     — I couldn't resist, I'm sure I heard jokes like this when I wasn't much older than M, and again, I think it's best to stay ahead of the nonsense kids may encounter, instead of pretending things change; discussing a thing, even smiling about it, is not advocating it, if it's followed by seriousness and a teaching moment about behavior, respect, the effects of alcohol, whatever. I intend to be real. We'll see how that goes.

Now, to set the record straight about another important matter: Ostriches don't bury their heads in the sand to avoid the 'reality' of a predator, as if they stupidly believe that doing so makes them invisible. After mentioning them above, I grew incredulous, then curious, and so I learned Ostriches dig holes to use as nests and then frequently puts their heads in the holes to turns the eggs. That's the behavior that gave them a bad rap. They can't fly, that part is true. But they do have very long, beautiful eyelashes. They look fantastic!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!