#313

I don't know yet if M 'n' m will seek too much attention from friends and peers, or too little. Of course, they may be perfectly balanced, in a perfect world. If they seek too little attention, I mean they'll error on the timid, quiet, 'background' side of things, versus the more memorable 'first-to-try,' 'center-of-attention' people (who may also be needy and self-destructive). Gosh, I sound uncomplimentary of the extremes and I don't mean to; we need both kinds of behavior, and sometimes predominantly so; acute caution may be called for one minute, and fuck-all ass-kicking the next, and teams, families, and friends need members who can naturally and powerfully bring the extremes. Of course, humans are too complex to bin and label so simply; to some degree, we're all likely either/or depending on the circumstances, timid in some ways, bold in others. But in retrospect, I mostly regret the times I was timid. In my life, I have chickened out aplenty. And so I appreciate the following I heard in a podcast today....

When asked, "What advice would you give your younger self?" Stephen J. Dubner (of Freakonomics fame) said this, and I want M 'n' m to hear it, especially if they tend to be a 'fraidy cat more often than over-confident: "My advice is pretty simple, don't be scared. I was just, ya know, there are a lot of things I did not do, a lot of experiences I never tried, a lot of people I never met or hung out with because I was in some form intimidated or scared and, look, I still deal with that all the time, and it's not like I've solved that problem, but that is what I'd go back and say to my younger self, is that almost always, the thing that you fear is ridiculous, and it always plays into what psychologists call the spotlight effect, like, 'everybody must be caring about what I do' when the fact is nobody gives a crap what I do, so that's what I'd say, don't be scared."

Now, as always, the caveats... I was scared to do drugs as a teenager (not alcohol, but drugs), and I would still get panicky today at the sight of them I'm sure. Which ones? I don't know... mushrooms, pills, powders I might've seen at parties or clubs, whatever, and even if I experimented with anything legal in some states now, it was years after everyone else. My point: It's okay to be scared of drugs. M 'n' m, I'm talking to you! But don't be afraid of important shit like challenge, growth, conflict, emotion, failure, success. And be aware of the spotlight effect — the phenomenon in which people think they're noticed more than they really are, because, let's face it, one is, in point of fact and reality, in the center of one's own world; we only have one physical perspective, windshield, set of eyes. The spotlight effect is useful to grasp and remember because if you ever have social anxiety, this awareness dampens those insecurities and people-pleasing energies that can make you sweaty and bewildered — and over-talkative and over-trying and annoying — in social situations. Obviously, I speak from experience. Hey, the biggest weakness is pretending you have none.

"I don't do drugs, I am drugs."
     — Salvador Dali

"I did some drugs, but not much truthfully, not as much as most people at that age, I don't have the nervous system to handle it."
     — David Foster Wallace