#301

I saw a meme on Facebook that said:  
"I never know what to say when people ask me what my hobbies are. I mean, I'm a mom. I enjoy trips to the bathroom alone and silence."
And similarly themed, a meme that had Jeanette howling:
"Ever heard of a swear jar? I started a Mom jar. The kids have to put $1.00 in every time they say 'Mom.' So far I'm up to 59 billion. We started 30 minutes ago."

So I was thinking... can you put 'dad' in there? The answer, of course, is no. It just doesn't work. It doesn't mean we're less needed or less involved. Umm, it doesn't mean that, right? Shit, what else would it mean?! Actually, we're different. In many ways, in many homes, we swap, overlap, mesh; we're the safety net, the warm blanket, the everything, together.

And then there's divorce. I've spoken softly here about the 'silver linings' of the big D. It's sensitive, it's un-PC, and it's probably bullshit too, but being a single parent, even with Jeanette always present and immensely helpful, means I don't compete for the roles of late night savior, nurse, tucker-inner, confidant, coach, kleenex-getter, whatever. At our house, for M 'n' m, it's me. Mom is elsewhere. We never hesitate to call her – we often do – but the dynamic is altered. Jeanette is terrifically tender and maternal to hers and mine both, and like any dad, I underestimate her contributions to our 'Brady Bunch' home, but there isn't much I pass off to someone else. Like Vanilla Ice said, "If there was a problem, yo, I'll solve it." Oh man, that was rapped into my high-school ears too much back in 1990.

The topic of Mom-ship versus dad-hood is one to avoid. So here we go. Interesting to note, from the get-go, that my instincts were to use mom-'ship' as in kingship, and dad-'hood' as in peasanthood; the former clearly feels like the authority, the heavy-lifter, when it comes to kid-raising. Although, didn't the peasants do all the lifting? Indeed, this is a multifarious and testy topic; I'll only say ignorant, un-modern things, I'm sure. Every family is different, every person is different, so moms and dads differ too, and shouldn't be bucketed or stereotyped. But I still plainly see many moms as moms, and dads as dads, traditionally speaking. Regardless, we're all huge in the lives of kids. Things have changed over generations, but how much? How much should they change? I don't know. I only have my own experiences as son and father, and the glimpses afforded outsiders to these relationships between others. There are tons of amazing and incredible parents out there. I'm grateful – because they make the world a better place – and hopeful to keep learning from them. It doesn't matter if they're moms, dads, traditional or not, foster-this or adopted that; we know who we are.