#288

I have a lot of one-sided conversations with Michael. This is predictable given my personal peculiarities and his, and likely exacerbated by the fact we're father and son. For example, I don't blame him for being silent when I mentioned masturbation. I recall being similarly unchatty when my father alluded to this eventuality when I was Michael's age. In an above-average effort for fathers, I'd say, Papa Mike hazily illuminated the changes, thoughts, and behaviors I might encounter during teenagerhood. I'm grateful; it helped preserve some sanity. I paid it forward. It's a good, strong father who advises his son, for purposes of love, respect, and health, not to run around like a bonobo monkey or sleazeball or drunken asshole. But I digress. Today's one-sided talk with Michael was actually about the famous order, "Burn the ships." I heard it referenced twice this week (it must be the entrepreneurial or self-help theme du jour), although I've heard it before. Destroy the means, and therefore the temptation, to quit. 'Burn' your escape, your excuses, your comfort. A gutsy, risky move. "99% is a bitch" is another good one about commitment and focus. Scuttle the ships and go forward, literally, metaphorically, as a conquering force, a team, an individual. Wikipedia says it was Hernán Cortés, a Spanish Conquistador, who gave the order in 1519 after landing in Veracruz, Mexico. His mission was to overthrow the Aztec Empire. He succeeded. Not surprisingly, he is regarded as an unusually persuasive, effective, and controversial leader.

Michael can't start the mower without me. It's a crappy, sticky pull-start (they are generally smoother, easier). But this makes me happy; I'm still the man of the house.

I discovered a short story by J.D. Salinger in which the narrator quotes Dostoevsky's The Brother's Karamazov. That's a double whammy. "Fathers and teachers, I ponder, 'What is hell?' I maintain that is the suffering of being unable to love."