Retro M 'n' m – #7

October 2008

When Megan uses the 'big girl potty' now, we reward her with chocolate chips. Good job Megs! Public restrooms are tricky. I carefully pick a stall and clean; you know, pre-flush, seat-wipe, TP-prep, and so on. Then I help her get situated so she doesn't fall in. I beg her not to touch anything! Together we negotiate uncooperative waistbands, tights, dresses, sometimes a dangling shoe. And on the way out I prevent her from investigating things like pink urinal cakes. "Look, Daddy, it's pink!" She points and steps toward it. No! I shepherd her toward the exit. She says, "I did it, Daddy," and beams a smile and I love, love, love her.

Michael is learning to spell and read. I love his enthusiasm. The other day, he said, "Daddy, I know how to spell 'talk'! It's T-O-C!" Ah yes, we begin phonetically. I high-fived him and said, "You'll be reading your Star Wars books in no time!"

Michael is facing his toughest annual decision: what to be for Halloween. And he empathizes with others, apparently; he said, "Daddy, there's a great Obi-Wan costume if you're not sure who to be."

Meggie wants to go to the movie 'heater' to see Madagascar. Michael said we need another 'gallop' of milk. Megan likes to eat at California Pizza 'Chicken' but Michael prefers a sandwich and shake at 'Hot' Belly. And so it goes.

March 2009

Michael mentions his penis a lot these days. Or not, but any use of the word is glaring. In the bathtub, he'll say, "Megan kicked my penis and that is bad for my penis." I agree, of course. I advise him to turn when Meg submerges so she doesn't kick his penis. Later, he says, "It would really hurt if my penis got stomped." Yes, this is true. I nod and want to change the subject. But Michael giggles and then Megan asks if her toy puppy has a penis. Okay, enough! What else can we call it?! Private parts?

Michael knows I have a job and that most days I leave for it. He said, "Daddy, take this page to work and ask your boss if you can color it."

We encouraged Michael to try showering. He asked, "Do Jedi take baths or showers?" I know Michael and his wonderful brain; I brace myself for more questions. "What about Yoda and Kit Fisto?" (These two are distinctly not human.) What about superheroes? Do they wash? Do they launder their costumes and capes? Do they eat? Back to Yoda (who is really short), does he use a stool at the sink like Megan? And here's what I wanna know: Do Jedi ever reach for the TP and find it down to the cardboard? Cause that happens to me a lot around here.

Megan is majestically beautiful, even when she has crusties on her face. Her eyes are big and clear. Her lashes, long. Her voice, sweet. Her mini-shoes, jeans, sweaters, and summer dresses, adorable. Her tiny painted nails. Her hugs, laughter, tears. Her snot. When she clings to me in the close presence of strangers... well, that is inexpressible; but it gives me the strongest and rawest feeling of purpose I've ever experienced.

Last weekend, I asked Megan if I could swoop her up and whisk her across a busy street. She said, "I can walk, Dad. Don't worry, I won't even get killed at all." Thank you, Sweetheart, that's very reassuring.

Michael told me how tests work. He explained they had one at school, and it involved writing, and they were not allowed to look at anyone else's paper. I listened. I also thought, sorry kid, you got a few thousand more to go. I love how little kids explain things, eagerly, sincerely, and always assuming the subject is as new to their audience as it is to them. I do nothing to dispel this; I hang on every word.  

It's my birthday. In the jargon of cars, a new obsession for Michael, I told him I am a 1975 model. I said Tiger Woods is also. He wasn't impressed. And Angelina Jolie. Still not impressed. (I agree with him; I find many actresses more beautiful.) I told Megan that David Beckham was build in 1975. No reaction. I told her David Beckham is so cool he married a Spice Girl. Nothing. I told the kids it's time for cake and ice cream. Aha! Something they understand.

Megan said, "When I grow up, I'm never gonna cry."