Stuff About Things #21

"The only thing I know is that I don't know shit, but I am committed to growing."
     — Jake Arrieta 

"Don't believe everything you think."
     — well-known Buddhist saying

"Nurture your minds with great thoughts. To believe in the heroic makes heroes."

     — Benjamin Disraeli

"What we dwell on is who we become."
     — Oprah Winfrey 

"Never apologize for showing feeling. When you do so, you apologize for the truth."

     — Benjamin Disraeli

"Only one thing is more frightening than speaking your truth. And that is not speaking."
     — Audre Lorde

"The irony of commitment is that it's deeply liberating – in work, in play, in love. The act frees you from the tyranny of your internal critic, from the fear that likes to dress itself up and parade around as rational hesitation. To commit is to remove your head as the barrier to your life."
     — Anne Morriss, Starbucks customer, published on the side of a Grande Caramel Macchiato

"Don't ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive and go do it. Because what the world needs is more people to come alive."
     — Howard Thurman, author

"The teachings are always available, like a radio signal in the air. But a student needs to learn how to tune into that signal, and how to stay tuned in."
     — Sakyong Mipham Rinpoche

"Our whole job is to relate to people."
     — Sakyong Mipham Rinpoche

"Kid, you had a rough day. Everyone has them. And when you do – do what I do – you ask yourself: Anybody's life better because of what I did today? If the answer's yes... then stop your whining. If not, well, do better tomorrow."
     — Nick Fury, comic-book character

"Service to others is the rent you pay for your room here on earth."
     — Muhammad Ali

"There are many things of which a wise man might wish to be ignorant."
     — Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Fear is a friend of exceptional people."
     — Cus D'Amato

"The key to a great life is simply having a bunch of great days. So you can think about it one day at a time."
     — Mr. Money Mustache

"If you find yourself in a fair fight, you didn't plan your mission properly."
     — Colonel David Hackworth 

"Be harsh with yourself at times."

     — Seneca

"Words are like seeds. When you speak something out, you give life to what you're saying.... Choose to be positive.... Stay positive.... Think on the positive things.... You can change your world by changing your words.... Don't waste a minute being negative.... Positive people have made up their minds to enjoy life. They focus on the possibility, not the problem.... Be thankful.... Don't focus on what's wrong.... Rise up and move forward.... The forces that are for you are greater than the forces that are against you.... No one can offend you without your permission.... You're not defined by your past, you're prepared by it.... You only have so much emotional energy each day. Don't fight battles that don't matter.... Some of my enemies, I feel like I need to write them a check, if they hadn't been against me, I wouldn't be where I am today.... There are some things you can only learn in a storm.... God did not make you to be average, to be ordinary, to just get by.... Focus on your faith, let God deal with your fear."
     — Joel Osteen

"You're only 19, you know 19 things. I'm 48, I know 48 things."
     — Gloria Estefan's mom, Gloria Fajardo, On Your Feet!

"Only boring people get bored."
     — Ruth Burke

"The world is a book, and those who do not travel read only a page."
     — Augustinus, aka St. Augustine

"Miracles are not contrary to nature, but only contrary to what we know about nature."
     — Augustinus

"God judged it better to bring good out of evil than to suffer no evil to exist."
     — Augustinus

"Read, read, read. Read everything – trash, classics, good and bad, and see how they do it. Just like a carpenter who works as an apprentice and studies the master. Read! You'll absorb it. Then write. If it's good, you'll find out. If it's not, throw it out the window."
     — William Faulkner

"The only way to avoid pissing people off is to do nothing important." 
     — Oliver Emberton

"You have enemies? Good. It is the story of everyone who has done a great deed or created a new idea.... Do not bother yourself about it.... Keep your mind serene as you keep your life clear.... Do not give your enemies the satisfaction of thinking that they cause you grief or pain. Be happy, be cheerful...."
     — Victor Hugo

"It is not flesh and blood but the heart which makes us fathers and sons."

    — Johann Friedrich von Schiller, a German poet, philosopher, physician, historian, playwright, and friend of Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

I haven't had time...

... to write lately. Girls softball season is underway. Three games this week. I love coaching and watching Megan and her teammates play. So, for now, enjoy the genius David Foster Wallace, from his collection of essays and arguments "A Supposedly Fun Thing I'll Never Do Again." This is just beautiful and brilliant and the kind of unspun, honest observation I like Wallace for, whether his words comfort or discomfort me; generally they do both:

"What he says aloud is understandable, but it's not the marvelous part. The marvelous part is the way (Michael) Joyce's face looks when he talks about what tennis means to him. He loves it; you can see this in his face when he talks about it; his eyes normally have a kind of Asiatic cast because of the slight epicanthic fold common to ethnic Irishmen, but when he speaks of tennis and his career the eyes get round and the pupils dilate and the look in them is one of love. The love is not the love one feels for a job or a lover or any of the loci of intensity that most of us choose to say we love. It's the sort of love you see in the eyes of really old people who've been happily married for an incredibly long time, or in religious people who are so religious they've devoted their lives to religious stuff: it's the sort of love whose measure is what it has cost, what one's given up for it. Whether there's 'choice' involved is, at a certain point, of no interest... since it's the very surrender of choice and self that informs the love in the first place."
     — David Foster Wallace

#396

Michael is a musician. Five years of orchestra and two instruments – cello and upright bass – have built his chops, and the music programs at his high school are terrific, the bands, orchestras, choirs, musicals. He'll continue with orchestra – I assume, because he says so and he likes it – but he has a third instrument now. We were at a store called 'The Music Room' and he picked up a bass guitar, plugged into an amp, and began playing scales. I said, "You should have one." He nodded.

I'm a fan of the bass guitarist Flea (Red Hot Chili Peppers). I forwarded Michael a few YouTube links. Also James Jamerson, Paul McCartney, John Paul Jones. That reminds me: Michael needs a stage name! Maybe the Gods of Rock will whisper it to him, and anoint him, and he shall rock-'n'-roll on earth and in the halls of Valhalla forever, amen. Sure, but the big thing for me: If learning and playing music put him in the zone, make time and pressure disappear, and inspire him to create, I support him one-thousand percent.

My wallet doesn't enjoy parenting as much as my heart and soul do. But who cares. I read a magazine article years ago, before M 'n' m, that put a dollar amount on the total cost of raising a child. It was a big number. I understood the number was variable, but the message was clear. I mentioned it to my dad at the time; I was an adult but not yet a parent. I said "Thank you" and also some version of, "Geez, sorry dude, that's an eye-popping, painful amount of money." My dad was amused and said, "I got a lot out of it too you know." Yes, now I know.

So Michael is playing high school baseball, club soccer, and learning a third instrument. He's busy but he seems happy and energized; his grades haven't suffered; his mood hasn't suffered. I think it's all good. I know burnout can happen, and we talk about kids being over-scheduled, but I think high-schoolers have always been busy, they should be busy, they're built for busy, whether working, studying, practicing, performing, competing, creating, exploring, caring for siblings or others. Michael does hours and hours of homework also, but he doesn't complain. I despise hypocrisy and I don't think I'm guilty of it here; my high school friends and I played multiple sports, did extra activities at school or at church or with our families, and we did mountains of homework too. So there! Of course, I know times change. I know high school was 25 years ago for me. I try to dialogue with Michael a lot. Which can be like pulling teeth. He's a teenager. One-word answers, one after another. Oh well. I'm doing my best. I know he is too.

Retro M 'n' m – 2007 – #1

Thursday, June 10, 2007

Michael is very verbal. He holds forth with a fluency and clarity uncommon among three-year-olds. He has yet to learn, however, that confidently saying something doesn’t make it true. He said, “I can play the saxophone without lessons.” I said, “Well, actually, every musician learns from other people.” He said, “Not me. I can play the saxophone. I can play the tuba and sousaphone too." Sousaphone? Can I assume knowledge of the sousaphone is also uncommon among three-year-olds? Because I’m like 30 and I didn’t know that’s an instrument.

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Michael’s 4th birthday party at the public pool was rained out, so we packed the party into our little house. How was it? Mayhem. But fun! My favorite conversation was with Charlie, a gregarious, three-foot-tall, four-year-old with a smile that, somehow, is both genuine and permanent. He said, “Hi! My name is Charlie. I’m four. My dad’s name is John, but I call him Dad.” Awesome. Charlie has it all figured out and he's only four.

The family, including Gramma, came to my softball game last night. My Father’s Day gift, a new Rawlings – that I picked out; baseball gloves are like great friends, they can’t be picked out for you – worked surprisingly well despite its newness. It’s pretty soft already and I tightened some laces to form a better pocket and my new friend and I played well together. I love baseball gloves. Did you notice that one word is embedded in the other? Coincidence? No. I made sure to tell the kids repeatedly their gift was the secret to my success. They were uninterested. Michael had a stomachache from eating his pretzel and hot dog too fast. Little Megan wanted badly to run onto the field. I like that instinct! There are some big, scary dudes on my team but she wasn’t intimidated. And if any F-words floated out of the dugout, the kids seemed oblivious. I remember going to my dad’s softball games. I learned new words, witnessed yelling and scuffling, but mostly ate candy, got stomachaches, played in the dirt, and ran around. Just like M ‘n’ m.

Sunday, June 24, 2007

On Saturday night, I marched out the front door to escort my cousin, Sasha, to her car, to help her with her bag and say goodbye. Megan blew a gasket. It was awesome! She kind of yelped, burst into tears, reached out to me, said, “Da-ee, Da-ee!” – what passes for ‘Daddy’ right now – then turned to Mommy and frantically tapped her chest, the hand signal for help. She did NOT want me to leave. It was the happiest moment of my life. Later, I realized she just wanted to go outside.

Thursday, August 14, 2007

So with Megan, I press on, clumsy, but doing my best. Holding her, reading to her, playing with her, combing her hair and trying to braid it, teaching her words, teaching her to be nice, to share, helping her explore things, and making sure she doesn’t break herself or anything else when she gets mad and freaks out. Michael didn’t do the tantrum thing but Megan gives it a try once in a while. Although, by way of critique, I must say her tantrums have lacked enthusiasm lately.

Michael is getting comfortable in the water. That’s good. It’s fun and easy to hit the pool with him now. With his length – long arms and legs – he could be a great swimmer. Maybe an Olympic champ or Navy SEAL. That’s all. We don’t set the bar very high.

Tuesday, September 04, 2007

Michael told me at bedtime, “Daddy, I might get scared tonight.” He explained that the ‘Veggie Tales’ movie with the ‘Island of Perpetual Tickling’ wasn’t a good movie and that I should take it out to the garage right away, and then we should sell it in a garage sale. I said, sure, we can do that, or I can donate it or just give it away. Michael said that would be fine if I took it out to my car immediately so I wouldn’t forget. Sara explained – although the movie is animated and playful – there’s a faceless, grim reaper character on the island. Though I explained to Michael it’s nothing to be afraid of, I banished the movie. Michael also said he was scared of ‘the three letters.’ When I asked him to identify the perpetrators, possibly with a recitation of his ABCs, he said, “No Daddy, not like that, the loud letters.” And then I understood. Michael doesn’t like unfamiliar loud noises, sudden or shrill. Industrial strength toilets in public restrooms, for example, make him very uncomfortable. Some are so loud even I fear they'll suck the whole room into the sewer system. Michael has entered many a public restroom with hands over ears. As for the loud letters, I knew Michael meant the big ‘THX’ banner before movies with THX surround sound. The three letters fill the theater screen and the volume is slowly increased until it’s positively blaring.

Megan has a lot of words now. She totes around a cleaned-out mayonnaise container full of little whale figurines and says, “Whales, whales, whales.” She also has a book about whales she loves. She is her brother’s sister. She likes to read “Cake,” her Strawberry Shortcake book, and if she needs assistance: “Hep pease. Hep, pease.” It’s very sweet. I can hardly resist, even when she wants ‘help’ reaching for an open bottle of nail polish, or Mommy’s glass of red wine, or a knife. Megan advises anyone leaving to “Dive fafe.” And Mommy has Megan tell Daddy, if needed, “You a bum!” It’s from her book ‘The Paper Bag Princess.’ Her long, light hair is gorgeous. And when she runs, or laughs, or does anything at all, it’s the cutest thing I’ve ever seen.

Michael played his first high school baseball game...

... so I've decided some baseball facts and history are in order! (That was meant to sound campy.) Bill Bryson is a fantastic and funny writer. I'm reading his book, One Summer: America, 1927, in which baseball just happens to be a topic...

"Hitting a baseball is hard.... A baseball thrown at 90 miles per hour hits the catcher's mitt four-tenths of a second after it leaves the pitcher's hand, which clearly does not allow much time for reflection on the batter's part. Moreover, in order to get his bat to the plate to meet the ball's arrival, the batter must start his swing at two-tenths of a second, when the ball is still only halfway there. If the pitch is a curve, nearly all its deviation will still be to come. Half of it will occur just in the last fifteen feet. If the pitch is some other sort – a fastball, change-up, or cutter, say – the ball will arrive at a fractionally different instant and at a different height. Because of friction, the ball will also lose about 5 miles per hour of speed during the course of its short journey from the pitcher's hand.... So the batter, in this preposterously fractional part of a fraction that is allotted to him for decision making, must weigh all these variables, calculate the place and moment that the ball will cross the plate, and make sure that his bat is there to meet it. The slightest miscalculation, which is what the pitcher is counting on, will result in a foul ball or pop-up or some other form of routine failure. To slap out a single is hard enough – that is why even the very best hitters fail nearly seven times out of ten – but to hit the ball with power requires confident and irreversible commitment. It was this that Babe Ruth did as no man ever had before.... 'During batting practice all the Cleveland players stopped what they were doing just to watch him hit,' Willis Hudlin, a pitcher for the Indians at the time, recalled more than seventy years later for Sports Illustrated. 'He's the only guy the players ever did that for.' ... In 1920, his first year with the Yankees, Ruth hit 54 home runs – more than any other team in the major leagues.... Although home run numbers grew generally, no one came close to matching Ruth's totals. In 1920, when Ruth hit 54, no other player hit even 20. In 1921, his 59 homers were 11 more than the next two best hitters combined.... 'So compelling is his presence at the plate, so picturesque and showy and deliciously melodramatic his every move and appearance that he is, from the point of the onlooker, a success even when he is a failure,' wrote one observer. Even his pop-ups were sensational; they were often hoisted so high that he had comfortably rounded second base before the ball dropped into an infielder's glove.... People loved him – that's genuinely not too strong a word – and not without reason. He was kind and generous, especially to children, and endearingly unpretentious.... He wasn't good-looking, but he was irresistibly charismatic... (and) he commanded a certain wit... that combined shrewdness with simplicity and innocence with penetrating perception.... His appetites for sex and food, both seemingly boundless, were a source of perennial wonder.... On the whole, he got away with his wayward lifestyle, but when he faltered, he faltered spectacularly."
     — Bill Bryson, One Summer: America, 1927

"Never let the fear of striking out get in your way.... Every strike brings me closer to the next home run.... Yesterday's home runs don't win today's games.... If it wasn't for baseball, I'd be in either the penitentiary or the cemetery.... If I'd just tried for them dinky singles I could've batted around .600."
      — Babe Ruth

Stuff About Things #20

"The painter will produce pictures of little merit if he takes the works of others as his standard."

     — Leonardo da Vinci

"A philosophy of life: I'm an adventurer, looking for treasure."

     — Paulo Coelho

"The fool, with all his other faults, has this also, he is always getting ready to live."
     — Epicurus

"It is not so much our friends' help that helps us as the confident knowledge that they will help us."
     — Epicurus

"Not what we have but what we enjoy, constitutes our abundance."

     — Epicurus

"There are more things... likely to frighten us than there are to crush us; we suffer more often in imagination than in reality."
     — Seneca

"The truth is, we know so little about life, we don’t really know what the good news is and what the bad news is."
     — Kurt Vonnegut

"Don’t just resist cynicism – fight it actively. Fight it in yourself, for this ungainly beast lays dormant in each of us, and counter it in those you love and engage with, by modeling its opposite. Cynicism often masquerades as nobler faculties and dispositions, but is categorically inferior. Unlike that great Rilkean life-expanding doubt, it is a contracting force. Unlike critical thinking, that pillar of reason and necessary counterpart to hope, it is inherently uncreative, unconstructive, and spiritually corrosive. Life, like the universe itself, tolerates no stasis – in the absence of growth, decay usurps the order. Like all forms of destruction, cynicism is infinitely easier and lazier than construction. There is nothing more difficult yet more gratifying in our society than living with sincerity and acting from a place of largehearted, constructive, rational faith in the human spirit, continually bending toward growth and betterment. This remains the most potent antidote to cynicism. Today, especially, it is an act of courage and resistance."
     — Maria Popova

"It’s beyond strange that so many humans are clueless about how they should feed themselves. Every wild species on the planet knows how to do it; presumably ours did, too, before our oversized brains found new ways to complicate things. Now, we’re the only species that can be baffled about the 'right' way to eat. Really, we know how we should eat, but that understanding is continually undermined by hyperbolic headlines, internet echo chambers, and predatory profiteers all too happy to peddle purposefully addictive junk food and nutrition-limiting fad diets."
     — Mark Bittman and David L. Katz

"Action may not always bring happiness; but there is no happiness without action."
     — Benjamin Disraeli

"Like all great travelers, I have seen more than I remember, and remember more than I have seen."
     — Benjamin Disraeli

"How much easier it is to be critical than to be correct."
     — Benjamin Disraeli

"The growth of wisdom may be gauged exactly by the diminution of ill-temper."
     — Nietzsche

"The art of being wise is the art of knowing what to overlook."
     — William James

"Nothing gives one person so much advantage over another as to remain cool and unruffled under all circumstances."
     — Thomas Jefferson

"The intelligent want self-control; children want candy."
     — Rumi

"For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love, and of self-control."
     — 2 Timothy 1:7

"I love being a mom. I always wanted to be a mom, and I really feel so fulfilled. I'm so happy. I really feel like I worked really hard in my twenties and thirties, and struggling to make it, and Saturday Night Live, and I really killed myself with work. It was just work, work, work, work, work. Now I really feel like I've created a family, and I feel like I'm living my dream. This is all I've ever wanted. My mom died when I was little, when I was four, so for me, getting to be a mom and do all the things that she was never there for, it's very rewarding to me. It makes me feel so happy."
     — Molly Shannon, comedian, actor

"Human being are not born, once and for all, on the day their mothers give birth to them, but... life obliges them over and over again to give birth to themselves."
     — Gabriel Garcia Marquez

"There is only one success – to be able to spend your life in your own way."
     — Christopher Morley, journalist, writer

"If Columbus had an advisory committee he would probably still be at the dock."
     — Arthur Goldberg, Supreme Court Justice

"Modern diplomats approach every problem with an open mouth."
     — Arthur Goldberg

"Keep your eye on the spirit, not on the scoreboard."
     — coaching advice from Phil Jackson