#371

I can sympathize – or empathize; maybe it's not something to pity – with people who feel like they've never 'grown up.' Or entirely grown up, at least; we're somewhere in the process. We're just in need of more growth, confidence, courage. But we retain some good qualities perhaps, in this place, if you will. Larry King talks about this – his youthful enthusiasm and curiosity is un-dampened by age; at 84 he's still a teenager – as do people like Joe Maddon, actor Kyle Chandler, and many others. It takes some humility and self-awareness to admit this, also possibly frustration with the pretenders or try-too-hard-ers among us. Too often we see the awkward or unbridled adolescent in the VIPs of the world. But God bless 'em, because people DO have to step up with leadership and authority sometimes, when others won't, and it's not easy; it takes courage, will, strength. Of course, when bluster and bullshit reach a kind of critical mass, I remind myself I'm not the only one with immature fears, insecurities, submissive tendencies, averseness to conflict, times when I freeze when I should do something (behaviors and feelings I equate – perhaps erroneously! – with the young and inexperienced). We know posturing and chest-thumping sometimes is nothing but insecurity. I'm terrified of giving that impression, but that's no excuse to shrink, either. For many reasons I guess, I don't pretend to know what the hell I'm doing, I only profess to do 'my best' or whatever, and this can seem and sound very weak! There's a balance. I'm searching for it every day. We all have a lot to learn, witness, endure, enjoy – right? – if we're to get some sort of TOTAL human experience? Several great thinkers, philosophers, important and accomplished people have stated in one form or another: the beginning of knowledge is to realize how little you know.... In the grand scheme, we have a ways to go. Or something like that. Look at the wars. Look at the stars. (We can't get to any but a few.) Look at loved ones with illnesses we can't cure. Lots to learn. But we've done pretty well to this point in history; 'the arc of the moral universe is long but it bends toward justice' ... I truly believe that humanity trends the right way, and I'll stand up for that view, that statement like an adult!

I love this from Dickens who speaks of not losing good qualities from childhood, such as 'a certain freshness, and gentleness, and capacity of being pleased.' I think these are essential, and I pray we all retain them. It's like we need a mix of childlike and adult qualities both – is that too obvious of a statement?! Yes, apologies – because, well, Lord of the Flies and the fact children can be very cruel, also. Whatever the case, from Charles Dickens's novel David Copperfield: 

"This may be a fancy, though I think the memory of most of us can go farther back into such times than many of us suppose; just as I believe the power of observation in numbers of very young children to be quite wonderful for its closeness and accuracy. Indeed, I think that most grown men who are remarkable in this respect, may with greater propriety be said not to have lost the faculty, than to have acquired it; the rather, as I generally observe such men to retain a certain freshness, and gentleness, and capacity of being pleased, which are also an inheritance they have preserved from their childhood." 

I hope M 'n' m 'preserve' some good qualities from their childhood, and I hope they have an accurate awareness of who they are, and how they are, and how they fit into the world, from this perspective or spectrum of human growth and experience. Although I'm not even sure if there is such a thing as 'accurate' when talking about how we are perceived by ourselves and others. Are perceptions reality? Uh, I'm going to swim back to shore now...