#355

Megan is more of a talker these days than Michael. She offers some interesting and wonderful questions, all of our kids do, and it occurs to me I field them like grounders hit my way in men's softball: I make some good plays and boot a few also. Yesterday: "Dad, why does fear have to be a thing?" I mentioned it keeps us alert and safe, competitive and dynamic, but it has to be managed, held in check, balanced and understood. The monkey mind. I didn't mention the monkey acts drunk and hysterical at times, not just overactive. I'm afraid she gets her tendency to paralyzingly ruminate from me. I look forward to more conversations about this with her. Monkeys are strong, acrobatic, and creative, I might've added. Keep it positive...

Megan told me there are more people on Facebook than were on the entire planet 200 years ago. "That's only going back to the 1800's," she added. Good little mathematician, Meg. I'm reading two books set in the 19th century, coincidentally, the memoirs of Ulysses S. Grant and 'The Son' by Philipp Meyer, which induced more hyperactivity in my monkey mind around the subject. Life was different then, and not long ago. I don't think of overpopulation and its effects as an abstraction. And 'worrying about it later' seems dismissive. But I didn't push the concern to Megan. "A good life for you and yours awaits," I told her. When we drive west through Iowa there are open spaces. I'm happy they see this regularly.

I remember a great conversation I had with Grandma Barb, probably when I was Megan's age. I must've mentioned that death seems like an unpleasant eventuality. My mom talked about the rhythms and cycles of life; we can be content and peaceful, if a little tired also, at the end of it all. We can be ready to move on, as many of our loved ones have already done so at that point. Reunions and good things await. Her words took the sting out of it. The words of mothers always take the sting out of things. Mom was prompt and clear to add, "But you don't have to worry about that for a long time, honey." I read a great quote but I can't locate its precise wording or author now, something like, "Since I wasn't afraid to be born, I won't be afraid to die." That got me thinking.... Of course, Woody Allen has a good one too about death (insert smile), "I'm not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens."

Megan likes a song by the Foo Fighters I introduced her to. It has some of my favorite lyrics ever:

I, I'm a one way motorway
I'm the one that drives away
Then follows you back home
I, I'm a street light shining
I'm a wild light blinding bright
Burning off alone

It's times like these you learn to live again
It's times like these you give and give again
It's times like these you learn to love again
It's times like these time and time again

I, I'm a new day rising
I'm a brand new sky
To hang the stars upon tonight

      — Foo Fighers, Times Like These

I'm a new day rising, I'm a brand new sky to hang the stars upon tonight. Awesome. I noticed this is #355. The number 55 is a memorable one for me. As is 11. My grandpa was in the 55th Armored Infantry Battalion in the 11th Armored Division of Patton's 3rd Army in WWII. They stormed into Germany and ended the war. A little pressure from Russia in the East helped, I know. All of it at great cost, sadly, which my grandpa was burdened by as a participant and survivor, but I can be proud of his sacrifice and I never see those numbers without thinking of him. This summer, Michael and Megan are both jerseyed with 11 in baseball and softball, respectively. Grandpa Swede was a good ballplayer too.