Merry Christmas!

This pic is a few years old but a good one!

This is the kind of BS...

... I put on Michael's whiteboard. But I don't think it's BS; I need it, and maybe Michael does too. A little mental toughness goes a long way in life. And here's a trace of the sweet messages Megan leaves for her brother. Megan can be a pill, crabby and pissed off at everything, but she always thinks of her brother; her affection for him is vehement. It's remarkable, powerful and I fucking love it. I'm grateful. Because I give myself exactly zero credit for the intensity of it in a positive sense. It's the challenges, tough times, tragedies that often really teach us love. Following the divorce, when Meg was too little to understand it really, Michael was her only ever-present person, a nearby heartbeat that wasn't, suddenly, somewhere else three or four nights a week; Michael was her rock. She won't forget that and neither will I. Now, enough with the mush, what was I saying about Michael's whiteboard and Conor McGregor and mental toughness...

If I had a time machine...

... I'd go back and visit this version of Meg-Pie (below). Even before I went to see Jackie Robinson play ball, and Roberto Clemente, and tried to catch a glimpse of Crazy Horse, the warrior-mystic, although that could be dangerous; I hear Crazy Horse was strange. But who isn't? It's fun to hit a game or a concert, or see someone 'famous,' but those we truly love the most, family and friends, can be close to us always, physically near or a video-chat away, or recalled in warm, vivid memories, vivid and real because we were there, because we live our lives with them, our 'most importants.' We're all famous to someone. We're very lucky. Amen.

On Parental Control...

... from actress Pamela Adlon, paraphrasing: "My daughter watches The Bachelorette and I watch it with her, which feels really dirty and bad and awful, like I'm watching porn with my 13-year-old. But we can't monitor what kids watch anymore. Parents are in a lot of denial: 'My kid's not on the internet.' Really? Well you're a fucking idiot, because kids are watching ISIS behead people on cell phones. So I tell my daughter, 'It's all out there, and it's your choice, but I'm telling you if you see certain things, it will stay with you. You can't un-see it.'"

I tend to agree. I know with any mischievousness and ingenuity whatsoever – and even the angelic ones have that – kids can pretty much see anything online. Obscene, gruesome, you name it. It's scary. It's alarming for me as a parent, and I don't have a meaningful reference point from my youth; we had dirty magazines and videos, and I saw some, but inappropriate content wasn't accessible on devices all around me via cloud or online galleries and websites. Even the niftiest parental controls are pointless when they're teenagers. So I'm trying two things: 1) I talk to Michael about respect, decency, reality, integrity, character, and 2) I give Michael the warning from Pamela Adlon above, and I add: You have to police yourself at times, be your own filter; you know what's right. Take care of your mind. Guard it; protect it; it sounds corny but it's true. What you put on the 'movie screen' in your head, and then into your rushing, repeating thought-stream, can be very good or very bad for you; your thoughts are impactful; they're sensitive; they're nearly everything that's you, this can't be overstated. Nobody's perfect, but don't be a dirtbag. Maybe I should revise that last sentence?  

#332

M 'n' m and I have a new habit: stand-up comedy in the car. YouTube over bluetooth and voila! my minivan is a comedy club. The hard part, of course, is cleanliness. Clean comedy isn't diamond-rare; it's like bigfoot-rare. (Although, there are 75 TV shows now about finding Bigfoot, Sasquatch, killer Russian Yetis, whatever.) Jim Gaffigan is pretty clean and funny. Also Kevin James, Jeff Foxworthy; thank you guys. Richard Pryor, Eddie Murphy, off limits. No surprise. Louis C.K., Sarah Silverman, Amy Schumer would all teach M 'n' m things I don't want taught. Ever. Dave Chappelle is a genius, but he's on hold too. Another place I go for humor is The Onion. It's often offensive, cynical, crass – so pretty much like everything else in comedy, not for mushy, young minds like M 'n' m's – but it can be hilarious, even if scathing, and many articles apropos to fatherhood. Some favorite Onion headlines:
  
Miracle Of Birth Occurs For 83 Billionth Time

Eminem Terrified As Daughter Begins Dating Man Raised On His Music

Reality Of Fatherhood Never Truly Dawned On Man Until He Held Newborn Son’s Hospital Bill

New Parents Wisely Start College Fund That Will Pay For 2 Weeks Of Education 

Third-Grader Clearly Biting Off More Than He Can Chew At Elementary School Book Fair

Parents Wish Weak-Willed Daughter Would Push Back Against Violin Lessons Just A Little

Failure To Get Into Private College Could Be Most Financially Responsible Act Of 17-Year-Old’s Life

Man Makes Quick Call To Parents So Next Week’s Call To Ask For Money Doesn’t Seem That Bad

Pair Of 26-Year-Olds Hit It Off After Learning They Have Massive Student Loans From Same Bank

Wealthy Teen Nearly Experiences Consequence

Family Watching Movie White-Knuckles It Through Unexpected Sex Scene

Posters of Naked Women Fail To Draw Real Naked Women To Dorm Room

War On String May Be Unwinnable, Says Cat General

Report: Bananas Still Most Popular Fruit For Pretending To Receive Phone Call

Man Doing What He Loves for a Living Needs to Borrow 50 Bucks

Renamed Arena Will Always Be Verizon Wireless Amphitheater To Locals

Even CEO Can't Figure Out How RadioShack Still In Business

Buddhist Extremist Cell Vows to Unleash Tranquility on West

Matt Damon Mans Warner Brothers Booth At College Campus’s Career Day

Apartment Broker Recommends Brooklyn Residents Spend No More Than 150% Of Income On Rent

Study Finds 68% Of Americans Unprepared For Financial Stability

HR Director Reminds Employees That Any Crying Done At Office Must Be Work-Related

Sean Penn Demands To Know What Asshole Took SeanPenn@gmail.com

Shaq misses entire second half with pulled pork sandwich

Jurisprudence Fetishist Gets Off On Technicality

Gang members don't have the heart to tell police informant his cover is blown

Heroic PETA Commandos Kill 49, Save Rabbit

New Dog Digs Up Old Dog

Free-Thinking Cat Shits Outside The Box

Archeological Dig Uncovers Ancient Race of Skeleton People

Ground Still Least Desirable Surface For Breaking Fall, Study Says

Economically Healthy 'Daily Planet' Now Most Unrealistic Part Of Superman Universe

New Study Recommends Insects Spend At Least 30 Minutes Skittering Per Day

Report: Most Americans Have Enough Saved For Retirement To Live Comfortably On Streets

Accidentally Closing Browser Window With 23 Tabs Open Presents Rare Chance At New Life

#331

I try to write funny shit here, and I'll try again, hopelessly, in a second, but first, a serious comment. serious [seer-ee-uh-s] 1. characterized by deep thought. 2. of grave or somber disposition. (I enjoy definitions, and synonyms, and coffee.) So 2 fits, somber and grave. My comment: Christmas decorations make me sad. But only briefly, and only exterior things, outdoor lights and sleighs, reindeer, North Pole signs, big plastic candy canes and Santas. My thoughts turn to my father and his father (M 'n' m's great-grandpa), both exterior illuminators of renown – think Clark Griswold with the antics but less megawattage, but only a little less. Inevitably, this reminds me of my father's eulogy of his father. There is no word for it other than perfect. The reminiscence, affection, and humor were flawless. Then I wonder if Michael will eulogize me someday. If so, Michael, no pressure, but when your namesake did it, he hit it outta the park.

Michael could win a gold medal in sleeping. Although, most teenagers are likely the same. I was a world champion myself at that age. Uncle Bill called me Rip Van Winkle. How long did Rip sleep; I can't remember? How did we live before Wikipedia was only a tap away? Washington Irving – he of the Headless Horseman and Sleepy Hollow mind, also – wrote the tale about 200 years ago. But Rip, it seems, only napped for 20 years. This is the sweet part: Rip, at the end of the story, much older now of course, with a long beard and a rusty musket, is recognized by his daughter. His Megan! She takes him in and he lives happily ever after. Awesome. My new favorite story. Ranks with Gladiator, 300, The Revenant, and Rocky II.

The Selfie Generation. At least she included me in a couple.