More Ryan Reynolds on parenting...

... quoted from Men's Health magazine. Ryan says:

"When my daughter was born, my first thought was, 'Oh yeah, I can do this.' It's not that I felt ready or that I knew exactly was I was doing. The exact opposite. I had a cactus in my 20s, and I killed it. A cactus! (But) the best directors I've worked with, they all have the same thing in common. They're the first to say, 'I don't know.' If you ask them, 'How are we actually pulling off this movie?' they'll just shrug and go, 'I have absolutely no idea.' I think that's a sign of strong character. I want to raise my daughter like that as well. I'm going to admit when I'm clueless, and I'm going to ask people for help when I don't know the answer to something.... We've gotten so addicted to knowing. It's the Google generation. We want the answer to everything right now. Every little piece of knowledge has to be instantly accessible. You can't even have a passing thought like, 'Wait, who sang "St. Elmo's Fire" again?' You just have to..." (Ryan rips his cellphone from his pocket and violently taps on the screen.) "John Parr! I knew it! Gotcha!"

"(Field of Dreams) is the best movie I've ever seen about being a father. I'm a blubbering, weeping, shivering mess at the end of that movie."

(About his infant daughter's inevitable sexual maturity) "We've had the talk already. Which frankly went right over her tiny head. The great thing about having the sex talk now is that she can't say I didn't do it."

"In my dad's dying moments, we were making him laugh. We were all in there together, me and my brothers, just joking with him. And of course we end up busting each other's chops. I recommended that the doctor raise Dad's dose of Dilaudid in order to make my older brother more tolerable.... I understand the idea of filtering pain through a prism of comedy."

#284

I have a friend in China who has a daughter the same age as Meg-pie. He's a professional colleague from Tianjin and now an appreciated longtime friend. I've been around him for countless meetings, dinners, beers, and brutally long and stressful workdays. Early in our time together I discovered a fascinating thing about him: he loves his daughter as much as I love mine. Seven thousand miles away and the cares, concerns, and feelings are the same. I was like, holy shit this is crazy! Right?! Of course not; I'm being facetious, but only a little. Because I can't deny I felt something worthy of notice and reflection, when it was made plain to me personally, experientially, on the other side of the world, that dads are the same everywhere. The same! I felt refreshed, reassured, and a little stupid, yes. I felt the reinforcement of a harmony or solidarity that I knew existed, but that I needed to touch, apparently, to poke at and examine firsthand. Even if expected, a moment can have impact. As a dad, I'm loving, clueless, vulnerable, bewitched, too-much-of-this, too-little-of-that, and I know it's the same everywhere. There are no experts, and no perfect kids. The preacher's son? The principal's daughter? Lamas, gurus, saints? They don't have kids. With the right promptings, we all overthink, overshare, overfeel. Stoicism and Zen and all that can wait, along with simplicity, certainty; we're parents.

Michael said, "I tried to hack the WiFi at school." Being a technologist, myself – although not a coder or hacker – I was intrigued. I said, "Oh, what does that mean? Did you get access without a password? Defeat security, steal data, download secret files, unleash a worm, change your grades like Ferris Bueller? What'd you do?!" He didn't expect interrogation. He said, "Oh, I just tried to glitch it out, you know, the network." I was comforted that he didn't make sense. I'll assume he doesn't have the knowledge or tools yet to be Edward Snowden. It's interesting though, that he finds the concept inspiring. So now I can add "cybercriminal activity, prosecution, felony, prison" to my ever-expanding list of irrational father fears. And this reminds me: it's essential that our kids know how to protect themselves from cybercrime. So "cybercrime victim, theft, privacy protection, reputation destruction, complete and total devastation" can be added, also.

As I write this, I'm looking out the window at 333 West Wacker, a curved glass tower on the river and the location of Ferris's dad's office according to the movie. Legends of the Fall, Good Will Hunting, Rocky II, Saving Private Ryan, Ferris Bueller's Day Off. Five best movies ever. Honorable mention: Gladiator, The Revenant, Last of the Mohicans, 310 to Yuma, The Last Samurai, Wedding Crashers, The Departed, Blood Diamond, Hoosiers, Tombstone, Predator. I shouldn't have started a movie list.

Michael is pretty efficient with his words...

... which means we have a lot of exchanges like the one below. So far, no signs of him becoming an over-talker. Or an awkwardly self-deprecating, obsequious, insecure, attention-seeking over-discloser. The genes for those must be recessive.

It's been a pleasure watching M hit lately

50 Mantras

Rage, rage against the dying of the light. – Dylan Thomas
Free yourself from the tyranny of constant thought.
This mustn't register on an emotional level. – Sherlock Holmes
My cup runs over. – Psalm 23
The only easy day was yesterday. – Navy SEALs
I can do this all day. – Captain America
If it doesn't suck, we don't do it. – Navy SEALs
There is no tomorrow. – Apollo Creed
Confrontation's never been something we've had trouble with. – Rick TWD
We won't get weak, that's not in us anymore. – Rick TWD
Relax Luther, it’s much worse than you think. – Ethan Hunt
Every warrior hopes a good death will find him. – One Stab
But Tristan refused to speak of her. – One Stab
The wind cannot defeat a tree with strong roots. – The Revenant
You're okay. Keep fighting. – Ronda Rousey
Comparisons are odious – Jack Kerouac
If it disappoints you, think of it less.
You can measure a man by the opposition it takes to discourage him.
Traveling hopefully is better than arriving.
My song is love. – Coldplay
Love is all around you. – Tesla
Love more, worry less.
There is nothing wrong with loving the crap out of everything. – Ryan Adams
God's lookin’ out for us. – Marcus Luttrell
Your bad habits are in the hallway doing push-ups.
Brother, stand the pain, escape the poison of your impulses. – Rumi
Sell your cleverness and purchase bewilderment. – Rumi
The intelligent want self-control, children want candy. – Rumi
Oh hell, Max, I been in tighter places than that. – Grandpa Swede
We carry our own. – Grandma Bev
It's okay to live a life others don't understand.
There is power in optimism.
There is power in ritual.
Be a force for good.
Make practice a practice.
Terror is a fine instructor.
Pioneers take the most arrows.
Bet on him, if you like. – Herger the Joyous
Be anti-fragile.
I’ve been through worse. – Wolverine
Pay no attention to the critics. Don’t even ignore them. – Samuel Goldwyn
The painting isn't done in the middle.
Life makes goats of us all. And heroes.
A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner
Does iron wrought, in furnaces hot, in withering heat, complain?
Which is the greater pleasure?
Keep making shots.
I am not an atheist. – Albert Einstein
Enjoy every minute of it, Hon.
Great multitudes came to him, and he healed them all.

#283

This is Megan's prayer. It's beautiful, lyrical, wise. It was crafted by her and her alone; I didn't feed or read any phrases to her, or prep any part. She just started saying it one day, praying after I do, and now she recites it. I don't pray like this myself (about thoughts and powers); I pray like Rocky Balboa, simple, "Yo God, uh, ya know, if it ain't too much trouble, maybe you could be in my corner tonight, please, unless you're with Apollo. Oh, and thank you for Adrian. And Mickey. Amen." Yes, Megan and I still pray, and we don't even proselytize, condemn, or intend to get violent. I say thank you (for M 'n' m first and foremost) and Megan adds a sprinkle of mindfulness and awesomeness. We're a good team.

Megan's Prayer: "God, please help me think of good things. I will open my heart as big as I can so you can help me think of good things. And God, please keep all the harm away from me, even if I have to see your powers. Amen."

It's rote now, but still sublime, every time she says it.

#282

The internet is shaky at my hotel in China, and when it's down, it amuses me to assess my feelings about it. I'm annoyed, of course. F*cking annoyed. But my feelings are deeper and more desperate than that. The internet is down?! Oh my God! I'm alone, helpless, imprisoned, shrinking, severed from the world! Never mind I can simply step outside and chat with three billion people. Sort of. It's unpleasant to feel 'cut off' from my loved ones on the other side of Earth, but usually I've video-chatted with them recently, and the sky isn't falling. Unless North Korea nukes something, Wall Street collapses the world economy (for good this time), or we have a zombie apocalypse (my choice for Armageddon, ala TWD with MHC, my hunting buddies), I should be able to survive five minutes without internet. We have a searing, sizzling need to be connected and productive without interruption. It's manic, it's essential, and it's not a hamster wheel because it does, in fact, take us places that are useful and meaningful. But there’s irony when the 'productivity' item is 'rest' or 'recharge,' which isn't outside the game at all, the race, but integral, like pit stops at Indy. And 'no internet' pales in comparison to ‘no cell phone.’ Misplaced yours lately? Oh my God, my smartphone?! Where is it?! I'm so naked!

Michael is a giant. Seriously. He isn't a teenager yet and his feet are bigger than mine. I don't have Shaq feet, but I don’t have toddler feet either. I'm an inch taller that Papa Mike – which he playfully disputes every time we stand – and Papa will be thrilled if Michael is taller than both of us. We'll see. Maybe he's peaked but I doubt it.

M ‘n’ m have a great-grandmother named Marilyn. She’s very smart, which makes perfect sense from a genetic continuity standpoint (because her son ain’t a butter knife either, Papa Mike; neither are you, Aunt Diane, thank you for reading). Grandma Marilyn has always observed and commented on technology. Advances in computers, television, cameras, cell phones, music, media, and so on. Over thirty years ago, she said to me, “When I was a kid, we couldn’t imagine TVs like this, and video players, and phones without wires. And when you're my age, you'll be impressed with things you never thought possible, like cars that drive themselves.” Cars that drive themselves? I think we were in a car when she said this, and I thought, no way. Well, she’s right. She’s always right. Self-driving cars in urban traffic seemed pretty farfetched decades ago, and yet here we are (with enough sensors on a vehicle and programming from Google). Commercially, full autopilot isn’t available, but cars park themselves now and steer back into lanes and have incredible safety sensors and features. And drones have been flying for years. It's just a matter of time. It goes without saying Grandma Marilyn has an iPhone and Android tablet. And when she came to visit us a few weeks ago, she consulted GPS.

#281

Ashton Kutcher is a spokesman for the company I work for. He's a colorful actor, of course, but also a startup investor and consultant. He's outspoken about concepts like staying busy and working hard. Amen. He created, produced, and hosted the show 'Punk'd,' which I didn't particularly like but thought was bold. Kutcher's from Iowa City. M 'n' m have a munificent aunt and uncle in Iowa City, and enjoy family dogs and holidays there, and tolerate the glut of Hawkeye fans who march like ants to Kinnick on Saturdays, where the Hawks were undefeated in 2015, and should continue kicking ass in 2016. Ashton Kutcher said the following, and I will preach this to M 'n' m: "The sexiest thing in the entire world is being really smart, and being thoughtful, and being generous. Everything else is crap! I promise you! It's just crap that people try to sell you to make you feel like less! So don't buy it! Be smart, be thoughtful, and be generous." I hope M 'n' m know this, or learn it, find it, discover it, relearn it, keep it close. It's a process, a difficult one. And while I'm at it, I'll throw in this from Jim Carrey: "The effect you have on others is the most valuable currency there is. Because everything you gain in life will rot and fall apart, and all that will be left of you is what was in your heart." Can I get another AMEN! Carrey said this in Iowa, of course, at his 2014 commencement address at Maharishi University of Management. It's really a must-watch. I realize a guy could respond to this as nonsense from Kutcher and Carrey, "Easy for them to say. Haven't they had Demi Moore, Jenny McCarthy, and Mila Kunis for wives? Yes. Yes they have, and Lauren Holly, and probably others and more to come, but I can't assume any marriage – or life of fame or not-enough-fame – is easier than the rest. On the contrary. Run your own race; be thoughtful, be generous, and have a good effect on others.

Prince died. Nearly as iconic and innovative as Michael Jackson, he is known without exception by my generation. It's sad. Kurt Cobain, Scott Weiland, Michael Hutchence, Shannon Hoon, Layne Staley, Brad Nowell. Maybe being a rockstar isn't so easy or natural? Many survive it, but many do not.

Speaking of music, Michael's been downloading, converting, and compiling. He gave me a playlist on a USB memory stick for our minivan. (We are unabashedly, unashamedly minivan-ers now; the trunk is full of baseball and softball gear and muddy shoes and hoodies – the weather's been shit lately but we don't mind – and we can still taxi around six more teammates and friends and their gear.) The first song on Michael's playlist is 'Ode To My Family' by the Cranberries. It's a nice nod, from a good kid whose 'family' isn't so conventional these days. And I'm a fan of Delores O'Riordan and pretty much everyone from Ireland (Conor McGregor, Rory McIlroy, Liam Neeson, U2).