Post #235

What is my 'job' as a father? Caregiver? Sure. (Some moms bear the brunt, but dads provide care, too.) Guardian and protector? You betcha. Self-explanatory. Worker and earner? Yes. (I'm referring to work outside the home and this can be Mom too, of course.) Entertainer, comedian, tour guide? Absolutely. I want my kids to smile, laugh, and explore. And then there's the job I agonize over most of all. The other roles are more natural and clear to me; this job, not so much. I'm unsure of its definition, priority, and execution. I am sure that it's a delicate thing, like catching a soft-mouthed fish; it's easy to blow it and the fish won't bite again. I'm talking about the role of teacher and coach. Some of it's easy; we show our mini-me's how to tie their shoes. Under our tutelage, they learn how to use forks, toilets, and bikes. Useful stuff. But what about less traditional things? What about teaching them intentional practices involving optimism, gratitude, grit, willpower, and meditation? Science, as an institution I mean – which can be very curmudgeon-ish, despite its brilliance – has recently proved and praised things that were formerly, in my circles anyway, dismissed as mumbo-jumbo. Even mainstream medicine – which bafflingly postponed earnest study of the well-observed and documented placebo effect – is now studying cool stuff like mind-training, neuroplasticity, and epigenetics. Positive psychology – the study of human flourishing instead of just disease – is a recent movement. But I digress. There are countless other examples of things we may or may not want our children clued into. We teach them to work hard, make friends, be respectful, be positive. I taught my kids how to pray. But we can, of course, go deeper in every aspect. Should we? What, when, and how can we teach them the finer points of optimal living? Even as we, ourselves, fail in many ways, our kids can benefit from our coaching. Right? Part of the answer lies in teaching and coaching by example. But even so, children are notoriously attention-deficient; should we direct their focus to the underlying habits of the folks they look up to (which, hopefully, includes us)? I think so. I'll keep coaching M 'n' m to give thanks and stay positive, two proven pillars of happiness. This seems like enough for now. (And it's a struggle with Megan!) We'll emphasize breathwork, mantras, malas, crosses, and baseball curses when they get a little older.