Dad Entry #202

I've mentioned before how I am chagrined to realize my kids exhibit flaws I'm plainly responsible for, either genetically or environmentally. Pointing this out as a phenomenon feels obvious and unnecessary, but I'll go on.... Genetically, my brain chemistry comes to mind. Sorry, kids, that acronyms like OCD, ADHD, and SSRI may enter your life, although I was about three or four times your age when I took them seriously, and fairly panic-stricken and desperate for answers by then. If you Google them someday, with more than a passing interest, just know they aren't excuses or crutches, figments or fallacies. Michael has an outlier brain, which, though powerful, can act like an unbroken horse. He was so smart and verbal as a toddler, we had moments of real concern; it was freaky when he stood in his crib and articulated the genus and species of rare dinosaurs, or rattled off 25 types of whales without pause, or repeated five-hundred-word books from memory after very few reads. But he seems well-adjusted now. Phew. His EQ is just fine; he's quite normal socially. As for flaws I've induced in my children environmentally, via suboptimal situations, choices, or exposure to unsavory moments, emotions, media... well... which amendment is it? Actually, I have nothing to hide. My flaws are legion; it's already documented. I have modes of people-pleasing, vanity, anxiety, perceived - but not real! - disingenuousness, absent-mindedness, and disorganization, to name a few, although I'll stop there so I don't sound like a loser, and a shitty parent. Too late?

I know Megan, like her father, can be needy and timid. Michael is not similarly afflicted, or if so, he hides it well. But Megan's social sensitivity is evident, and I know it can render her aloof or offbeat. She will act showy or funny, and immediately throw a sidelong glance at Michael in search of approval. She wants to impress her brother, always. Michael is pretty ungenerous, though, when it comes to applauding and validating his little sister's awesomeness. This annoys the crap out of me. Megan LOVES her big brother. He's a massive moon in her young life, and I wish he was less frugal with praise and support. I know, however, that if push comes to shove, he has her back sincerely and absolutely; I have experienced this as stark fact. And when Megan's in a foul mood, the frequency of which we'll leave unspecified here, she needs the very opposite of praise.

Regardless of our flaws, glaring and otherwise, I know all three of us have good hearts, big and grateful, and two of us can be excused as prepubescent. And for the record... I take full responsibility for a small piece, or slice, of this flaw pie, as I'll call it, but I blame my own parents for the rest of our issues! Not true. Not true at all. In fact, before I mercifully stop, I'll mention something exceptional my parents did for me, that I haven't paid forward to M 'n' m yet: When I was Michael's age, in a single vacation we visited the football, baseball, and basketball halls of fame, in Canton, OH, Cooperstown, NY, and Springfield, MA respectively. Yeah, it was kickass. Jenny wasn't as thrilled as I was, but she's always been generous and protective (take a lesson from your aunt, Michael, on how to be an older sibling), and she let me bask in it. Now it's my turn to roadtrip to these incredible, historical places, with my kids, and on the way, we can always catch a monument or something boring in Washington DC.