Dad Entry #154

Michael is a bit averse to chivalrous concepts like "ladies first." Of course, the lady in question is very often his little sister, gorgeous and sweet, unless she isn't, which can happen, and nearly every offending episode - an unladylike lapse into name-calling, for example, or farting - is witnessed by her brother. So I understand Michael's confusion, frustration, often exasperation, when I instruct him to get the door for Megan, simply and only because of her femininity, even if she's just acted blatantly impolite or inelegant. "Be a gentleman, Michael," I tell him. And then I add, because self-interest is a great motivator, especially for nine-year-olds, "You won't regret it; it will pay you back tenfold." He really doesn't understand that part.

I often wonder what Michael "will be when he grows up." I wonder the same about Megan. I don't think about it as a demanding, expectant, or prideful parent. Life can be so full, so much comedy, tragedy, and romance, whether we are pothole-fillers or brain surgeons, both very necessary jobs. Potholes wreak havoc on tires, axles, and alignment. And brains are useful. We are not defined by our occupations, in my opinion, or our habits, hobbies, and other pursuits, or even our friends, families, or bodies. We are something deeper, something, somehow, ethereal and yet more real than the material, the physical. Blah, blah. I've digressed. Megan is really cute in skinny jeans.

A few times in my life, very serious and anxious times, my father has said something like, "Don't worry about that," or "That will not be a problem for you," or "That will never happen." Such pronouncements from him carry impressive weight for me, following an accident, a scare, a moment of error or embarrassment (they happen to us all), a teaching moment or impetus for growth (nicer ways to put it). I believe him when he says, "You'll be fine," with a finality, authority, and confidence that remarkably allay some of my worst doubts, and bolster me in the face of these rare, severe scenarios. And this despite his notoriety for embellishment (insert smile). My father has resources, influence, and presence in these moments; I want to possess these for my children, also. I hope they view their father the way I do mine.