Stuff About Things #15

"You can be the perfect parent, getting everybody into doing the perfect things at the perfect school to make them the perfect kids. But really, you're in the lap of the gods. You can't really do fuck-all about what paths they chose. They have ultimate control and it's scary."
     — Jack Nicholson

"My kids are not that interested in my movie career, by the way. My son, in particular, never talks about it. He just wants me as his dad."
     — Hugh Jackman

"My father would always tell us, 'Don't tell me what you're going to do, show me what you're going to do, or let me read about what you're doing.' Point being: Shut up and do the work. The same goes for being a really good father. To me, it means putting in the time. Like anything else, the more you put in, the more you get out of it."
     — Ed Burns, actor and director

"My father is very Jean Valjean. He's what I would call a great example of a religious person. He is deeply thoughtful man whose religion is in his deeds way more that anything else. It's not talked about that much.... I've never heard my dad say a bad word about anybody. He always keeps his emotions in check and is a true gentleman. I was taught that losing it was indulgent, a selfish act.... My father is a real idealist, and he's all about learning. If I asked for a pair of Nikes growing up, it was just a resounding 'No.' But if I asked for a saxophone, one would appear the next day and I'd be signed up for lessons. Anything to do with education or learning, my father would spare no expense."
     — Hugh Jackman

"You don't learn much when you're talking."
     — Jack Nicholson

"Life is short, art is long."
     — Hippocrates

"Art enables us to find ourselves and lose ourselves at the same time."
     — Thomas Merton

"I am still learning."
     — Michelangelo

"The least of learning is done in the classrooms."
     — Thomas Merton

"Respect motivates me, not success."
     — Hugh Jackman

"Everybody's afraid of something. That's how we know we care about things."
     — Frank Farmer, played by Kevin Costner in The Bodyguard

"Once off to a good start in giving vent to his spleen, the Old Man does not cool down soon or easily. His testiness and vituperation seem to feed on his own language. Without interrupting his supervision of the work in hand, he discoursed in a loud voice about deficiencies in the third officer's ancestry, complexion, character, courage, and ability. He accused him of unmentionable vices and called him various uncomplimentary names. As you may guess (I will not repeat) the hairy-chested words the captain actually used, but altogether it was a painful display of browbeating.... (Today) the Old Man is in high spirits.... The skipper and I get along famously, thus far. Before breakfast, he is inclined to be grumpy, as he admits, but for the rest of the day he is as gentle as a lamb, unless something riles him – bawdy language among the men, for example. That usually leads to a gentle admonition to all concerned that he'll be goddamned if he'll stand for one such word from any Christless bastard on board. After supper I jolly him into a talkative mood, and he yarns about the sea, islands of palm or ice, whales, porpoises, birds, fish, and mighty sea-farin' men. Since 1883 he has commanded ten whalers, including the famous barks Bertha, Lydia, Swallow, and Wanderer. He has his own saga and his odyssey. Calms put him in low spirits. The harder the wind blows, the merrier he becomes."
     — Robert Cushman Murphy, Logbook For Grace

"(The picture I look at daily) is a photo of a little girl named Abby. I met her in hospice when she was three and diagnosed with a terminal illness. She was such a brave little girl and so determined, but everyone insisted she was going to die and kept telling me not to get my hopes up. I also have another photo of her. She's 24 and in her wedding dress. She and her husband now have two children of their own, and they've adopted two more. Miracles happen.... (The death of a child) was my greatest fear about becoming a doctor, and one I had to face multiple times. These kids are my heroes.... You realize you could just stand among them, many of whom have lost their hair and are undergoing painful treatments, and feel hopeless. But you have to equip yourself to make a difference, to step close enough to the fire to get burned yourself."
     — Dr. Chuck Dietzen, formerly a medical director of pediatric hospice

"I don't (have balance in my life). There's always been days when it doesn't really work out. Sometimes I'd get physically ill from the guilt of wanting to please everyone – that's my nature – I hate anyone to be unhappy. But I think my spiritual journey is to have had these weird relationships and write music that people can somehow relate to. I've never had a record that is almost all about being happy and in love."
     — Gwen Stefani, mother of three, creator of a clothing line (L.A.M.B.), businesswoman, musician

"One does not escape that easily from the seduction of an effete way of life. You cannot arbitrarily say to yourself, I will now continue my life as it was before this thing, Success, happened to me. But once you fully apprehend the vacuity of a life without struggle you are equipped with the basic means of salvation. Once you know this is true, that the heart of man, his body and his brain, are forged in a white-hot furnace for the purpose of conflict (the struggle of creation) and that with the conflict removed, man is a sword cutting daisies, that not privation but luxury is the wolf at the door and that the fangs of this wolf are all little vanities and conceits and laxities that Success is heir to."
     — Tennessee Williams

"You're only here for a short time, mate. Learn to like it."
     — Russell Crowe

"The important thing to me is that I'm not driven by people's praise and I'm not slowed down by people's criticism. I'm just trying to work at the highest level I can."
     — Russell Crowe

"I'd move to Los Angeles if New Zealand and Australia were swallowed by a tidal wave, if there was a bubonic plague in England, and if the continent of Africa disappeared from a Martian attack."
     — Russell Crowe

"The best lack all conviction, while the worst are full of passionate intensity."
     — W. B. Yeats

"Being Irish, he had an abiding sense of tragedy, which sustained him through temporary periods of joy."
     — W. B. Yeats 

"Education is not the filling of a pail, but rather the lighting of a fire."
     — W. B. Yeats

"Do not wait to strike till the iron is hot; but make it hot by striking."
     — W. B. Yeats

"Don't count the days, make the days count."
     — Muhammad Ali

"I am the greatest. I said that even before I knew I was."
     — Muhammad Ali

"I'm teaching my daughter that the sun goes down each night because it's mad at her. Probably gonna write a book on parenting at some point."
     — Ryan Reynolds

"I'd walk through fire for my daughter. Well not FIRE, because it's dangerous. But a super humid room. But not too humid, because my hair."
     — Ryan Reynolds

"On our 6am walk, my daughter asked where the moon goes each morning. I let her know it's in heaven, visiting daddy's freedom."
     — Ryan Reynolds

"It's important kids eat 5 servings of vegetables daily. Even if childhood is just a dress-rehearsal for extraordinary adult suffering."
     — Ryan Reynolds

I feel like pictures today... They grow up fast... How does one say thank you

John Wayne the dad, by Ethan Wayne

“There’s a picture of my father that I love. It shows the real man. He’s on a horse going full speed, a herd of horses running around him. He’s maybe 66. He looks so confident and alive. You’d never know he had only one lung and a bad knee and had been falling off horses for six decades. He never stopped being John Wayne, even when he was sick (with cancer) and the work wasn’t easy for him. He did what he was expected to do because he had kids who depended on him and film crews who needed him to stay employed. He worried more about others than himself…. Life was as normal as it could be. We lived outside Hollywood. There were no bodyguards, Dad answered the door, we went to the market, that sort of thing. The only time I realized that Dad was different was when I visited a friend a few houses down. His mom asked us to get the mail. I thought, ‘Oh man, I hate getting mail.’ In my house, getting the mail meant dragging huge boxes and bags from the street. But we went out to his mailbox, and there were three envelopes in there. That was sincerely puzzling to me. I asked, ‘That’s it? That’s all the mail you get?’ We had three secretaries whose jobs were just answering all my dad’s fan mail (and) my dad treated it like part of his job. He appreciated that people continued to watch his movies even as he aged. It was never like, ‘I’m important,’ he was just eternally grateful to his fans for supporting his films…. He drove Pontiac station wagons. He never wanted anything special…. (But he had a boat) and when we took the boat up to Alaska, one of my jobs was to get ice for adults’ cocktails. So they’d drop me off with a fire ax to chop off a few chunks from the glacier ice floating nearby. (I had to be careful and it wasn’t easy) and when I brought it back I felt like a hero…. One of my chores was to sweep up the seeds that fell off the rubber tree in our yard. I hated it. I remember being nine years old and doing a terrible job, and Dad would get frustrated. He’d grab the broom and show my how to sweep properly. He has a very specific technique. My biggest memory isn’t him teaching me how to ride a horse, it's him teaching me how to sweep…. I was never okay when he left to go on location for a movie without me. I was very close to my father, so I hated not being with him. I’d ask when he was coming back and he’d say, ‘I’ll be back in September, God willing and the river don’t rise.’ That really affected me. I was like, ‘What the hell does that mean? The river don’t rise? What is that?’ It was horrible. It’s bad enough that your dad is going to be gone for months, but now you’re worried about the river rising…. Once, we were at the house in Newport Beach, which was right next to the water. It was late at night, and he heard something down by the dock. He grabbed one of his guns and his flashlight and went down, and there were these two big guys. Dad growled, ‘Who the hell are you?’ They said they were marines on shore leave. They knew he lived there, so after a couple drinks, they’d rowed out to see if he was there. But they’d lost their nerve and were sorry, they’d be on their way. And Dad was like, ‘Well, get up here and have a drink with me.’ He brought them into the house, and they talked until at least 1 a.m. That’s how my dad was. He was grateful and welcoming to everybody.”

#390

I think it's interesting how much arrogance exists in fields of study like health, medicine, nutrition, fitness. Know-it-alls are annoying. Especially given the vicissitudes of what they 'know.' For example, they tell us: "Okay, this time we got it right, we know for sure that fat is bad for you. Uh, I mean carbs. Did I say fat? Carbs are bad, carbs and inflammation are killing you!" Debates rage about a thousand other substances. Salt, butter, meat, alcohol, insulin, hormones, ketones, nightshade veggies, whatever. I just wish they'd be like, "This is our advice, but research is still emerging and evolving." That's all. Instead, we get, "Okay, this exercise will help your knees, because the old one I prescribed actually damages them. But this time I know I'm right." Okay, I'm just crabby this morning. Obviously, medical conditions exist that still escape our understanding and treatment. And that's okay. I just appreciate humility, especially when it's called for based on reality. Our elected officials should have some humility. But then maybe they'd be trounced in elections when perceived as weak, waffling, uncertain. Voters: "This dumbass admits he's not 100% sure how to fix things! What an idiot! I ain't votin' for him!" Okay, but once you take office, and dig in and begin the work and begin to collaborate... nevermind. I'm whining. In my field, technology and engineering, there's a widespread understanding that devices, for example, are going to get faster, smarter, smaller, better. They just are. It's an undeniable trend we're not only okay with, we're excited about. We look at the first smartphones we developed – and the components, technology, materials, and designs that comprise them – and they're laughably clunky and inadequate. Of course, that's judging by today's standards, but back then there was still a similar sense, an understanding that this or that bit of hardware or software was going to be much improved someday. And it is. And maybe someday we'll 'know it all,' or we might be able to say – with a straight face – that the overall technology growth curve has flattened, if only just a little, but we ain't there yet; we ain't even close. And I think that's just as true in health, medicine, nutrition, even fitness. I appreciate good advice, and very often follow it, but I take it for what it is. There are arrogant A-holes in tech too, by the way. The human race is loaded with big-talkers and self-promoters and, honestly, they often achieve breakthroughs and great things. Things that empathic, humble wimps like me aren't achieving. So I'm grateful for the A-holes, even as I hope they evolve personally, just as their fields of study do.

As a parent who – for better or worse –parents the way I do, I often wonder about the difference between leniency and negligence. If parenting is a map or chart, and these two are neighboring regions – as I'm assuming there's 'proximity' between the two – of course I prefer to be in 'lenient.' 'Negligent' suggests no expectations, no oversight. That's not me. M 'n' m get good grades and generally behave, among other shining qualities. Nor would I wish myself in the region of 'overly-strict and suffocating.' Which is not a concern, as I'm not even capable of that style. This, by the way, I'm not proud of; in some situations it's very called for. And, anyway, how does one find the 'perfect amount of discipline and direction' region? Pretty sure I've never stumbled into that one. Never visited, never even sniffed it breezes. Does such a place exist? I think it does, but there are only vacation homes there, condos maybe, places not occupied very long by the same commendable people. 

We're all information, all of us, whether readers or writers, your or I. The DNA in our cells, the bioelectric currents in our nerves, the chemical emotions in our brains, the configurations of atoms within us and of subatomic particles within them, the galaxies and whirling constellations we perceive not only when looking outward but also when looking in, it's all, every last bit and byte of it, information. Now, whether all this information seeks to comprehend itself, whether that is the ultimate goal to which our universe trends, we obviously don't yet know for certain, though the fact that we humans have evolved, we forms of information capable of ever-increasing understandings of information, suggests it might be the case.
     — Mohsin Hamid, How to Get Filthy Rich in Rising Asia

Stuff About Things #14

"No wonder that Alexander carried the Illiad with him on his expeditions in a precious casket. A written word is the choicest of relics."
     — Henry David Thoreau

"Most of the luxuries and many of the so-called comforts of life are not only not indispensable, but positive hindrances to the elevation of mankind."
     — Thoreau

"I did not know we had ever quarreled."
     — Thoreau, when asked if he'd made his peace with God, in his final days before death to illness

"I can tell you from experience, the effect you have on others is the most valuable currency there is."
     — Jim Carrey

"My philosophy is you should be nice and helpful to everyone.... (My wife and I) have everything we need. I'm very comfortable with my dented old Volkswagen Golf. I would feel embarrassed if I bought a fancy-looking car or a new home. It would just reflect poorly on me somehow.... Our version of buying a Lamborghini and owning a giant house is that we give away a lot of money to help others.... I bought a house for my mom.... The most important thing for me about having money is that it takes away most of the anxiety I've lived with my whole life."
     — Biz Stone, the co-founder of Twitter and now a billionaire

"Ideas don't come out fully formed, they only become clear as you work on them. You just have to get started."
     — Mark Zuckerberg

"Our brains are constantly being shaped, most often unwittingly."
     — Health magazine

"Happiness is a skill. Skills must be learned."
     — Matthieu Ricard

"Why is it that some people can bounce back from a tough event, while others struggle to get their mojo back? Resilience comes more easily to some of us than others, but anybody can learn to be more emotionally hardy. Resilience – the capacity to respond and recover when life wallops you upside the head – is a pretty essential ability. Being able to handle minor daily setbacks helps prime us for bigger-picture curveballs such as a job loss or the death of a loved one. We need stress to grow. It's like working out: You're not going to get stronger unless you stress the muscle. And if you don't work out, you'll atrophy.... When you get bad news, don't jump to extreme conclusions. Resilient people steer clear of catastrophic thinking, which causes downward spirals and blocks purposeful action. A major step toward resilience is recognizing that we are the authors of our lives. You can't always control what happens to you, but you can control your attitude and enact change when bad times hit. Resilient people have an internal locus of control. They don't take losses personally or lump defeat into bigger, scarier patterns. They realize a setback can be a challenge and an opportunity. They know crisis can lead to a breakthrough, while success is often an obstacle to learning."
     — Health magazine

"I started to notice the tumult that my self-important, future-focused thinking brought on. When my thoughts run the show and I do the first thing that comes to mind, I have the mental finesse of a brakeless freight train. I become the guy who treats his work commute like Daytona. I fire off regrettable emails.... (But) I've come to realize that impulses, thoughts, and emotions are temporary. I don't have to act on them. About a year ago I was driving and listening to a podcast explaining that if you take all of time that we know of and put it on a yearlong scale – called the cosmic calendar – all of recorded history shows up on December 31 at about 11:59 p.m." (Yes, in the grand scheme, things are quite temporary.)
     — Men's Health magazine

"Research shows that 85% of things people worry about actually end up having a positive or neutral outcome."
     — Health magazine

"I've learned yoga and breathing techniques to deal with anxiety. It's really simple, but it's true. Just breathe."
     — Julia Stiles

"Whatever it is that's making you nervous, try to find the joy in it because as soon as you do that, it takes a little bit of that pressure off."
     — Cote de Pablo

"Before you have to do that thing that makes you so nervous, clench your fists and tighten everything in your body for 10 seconds, and then let it go."
     — Cheryl Hines

"When someone gestures while talking, the observers show more auditory cortex activity. Movement helps a listener listen better. ... So at your next presentation, do what great comedians do: Move. Gesticulate. Stay lively."
     — researchers at UCLA / Men's Health magazine

"'That's where a lot comedians go wrong. They're not genuine,' (says Kevin Hart) ... Mimicry leads to mediocrity. Maybe one of your colleagues is great at long stories with triumphant punch lines. Unless that strategy comes naturally to you, don't do it. Your humor should be specific to you. Perhaps that means witty observations, or something subtler, like facial expressions. Whatever is you, run with that.... 'You've got to be cool missing the big laughs,' Hart says. Everybody - even the great comedians - tell bad jokes. But then they move on. They don't stop to explain their punch lines. You've seen this: The awkward dinner-party moment where some guy finds himself lost in the weeds of his own long story. He doubles back, trying to fill holes, introduce more characters, add more heroism. 'Just pull out,' Hart says. 'Your attitude has to be You boo me today, but you'll clap me tomorrow. It's not cockiness. It's about counting your losses and moving on.' So if your rambling story about a sleazy car salesman stalls, deploy a segue. Just say, 'Anyway, I'm glad I don't sell cars.' Then change the subject entirely - to your job, the weather, the bean dip. The sooner you bail, the sooner people will forget."
     — Men's Health magazine.

"High finance touches – ruins – the lives of ordinary people.... And yet, ordinary people, even those who have been the most violated, are never left with a sense of how they've been touched or by whom. Wall Street, like a clever pervert, is often suspected but seldom understood and never convicted."
     — Michael Lewis

"Discipline equals freedom."
     — Jocko Willink

"Wind extinguishes a candle but fuels a fire."
     — Nassim Taleb, from his book Antifragile

"Today Captain Cleveland and I paid a call on the Captain of the whaling ship Nor, which is cooking carcasses in the harbor, thus supplementing the work of the overloaded shore factory. This skipper was a rough-and-ready Norwegian, whose manner gave no indication of any particular esthetic sensitiveness. Yet when we entered his commodious cabin, we found that it was a conservatory of potted and blossoming plants. The whole upper half was covered with racks, from some of which vines had extended to the skylight. A flowery taste seems to be characteristic of Norseman, for Nordenhaag's cabin is full of roses, separated only by window panes from the blizzards that howl outside."
     — Robert Cushman Murphy, from his awesome Logbook for Grace, I love plants and have too many of them, and other guys do too, it seems, not sure where that affinity comes from for those of us afflicted, but we do have 'Norseman' / Swedish ancestry in this family

"By some chance, we fell to talking about ancient surgery in Hawaii and South America, where it is alleged that broken skulls were repaired with pieces of scraped coconut shell or plates of silver. At this, Mr. Alves, a native of Brava (and island in Cape Verde), showed us a slightly bulging scar on his bald dome, above the forehead, and stated that the frontal bone had been trephined (operated on with a hole saw to remove a circle of bone) and a chunk of it replaced by calabash shell. When eight years old, he had fallen off a high wall, knocking a hole through his skull, and a Portuguese surgeon had performed the successful operation."
     — Robert Cushman Murphy, Logbook for Grace, 1912

"A whale ship was my Yale College and my Harvard."
     — Ishmael in Melville's Moby Dick

"I understand him better now, understand the pounding his character endured in that defining time overseas.... A lot of men were damaged deep inside by the killing and dying of wars, then tried to heal themselves with... sour mash and self-loathing."
     — Rick Bragg, All Over but the Shoutin'

"Yeah, we could arrest Proctor. But I got a feeling that the cartel's gonna want a few words with him about their dead men. And when they come, I'd just as soon he was as far away from the police station as possible, if you take my meaning. Time and experience, son, time and experience. So you go write up that bullshit report so I can sign it. Thanks for the coffee." 
     — Sheriff Brock Lotus, Banshee ... Time and experience, son, time and experience

"I gotta be me."
     — Lucas Hood, Banshee

#389

Aziz Ansari. I like his comedy. I like his TV show. I’ve quoted him here. But I don’t think a 34-year-old guy should go on a date with a 22-year-old girl and NOT be prepared for a little scrutiny. Frankly, it comes across as slightly messed up to me, if not outright predatory, and certainly not the healthiest arrangement for either party (in the humble opinion of this early-forties father). Admittedly, a 39-year-old man dating a 27-year-old woman sounds better. These are my prejudices. At 22 I was painfully immature, impressionable, and, relationship-wise, inexperienced. If, back then, a lovely 34-year-old woman suggested we go on a date, I don’t know how I would’ve responded – see the part about me being immature – but her intentions would not have been to conversate and impart life wisdom. (Since she was in high school when I was in diapers, I'll assume her superiority in life wisdom. Although going out with my 22-year-old dumb ass would indicate no wisdom.) Thankfully, established women know better. They like real men. Not 22-year-old kids.

It feels dangerous to comment on the #MeToo movement, but we're entitled to opinions, right? Criticizing Aziz Ansari (who did nothing illegal and is now being supported by countless women decrying his 'character assassination') is obviously controversial. A 22-year-old woman might think, "Exactly. Why would I date a stupid 22-year-old boy when I can date a man, someone older and refined?" Good question. But I dispute the refinement of a 30-something 'man' who dates a college girl. I just do. Regardless, as a father of a daughter, this is my view: under no circumstances should a woman be made to feel uncomfortable and without recourse, especially in the workplace, especially around men of influence and power, especially around men twice their age, especially around any man. Guys should take a hint, get a clue. I realize, however, this view could be over-simplified and naive in some ways. People are complex. Relationships can be really complex. I believe the private lives of people should remain private barring illegality and harm to the helpless and innocent. Regarding M 'n' m, this is another reminder to preach to them about respect, boundaries, personal comfort and responsibility, the strength to escape bad behavior, the strength to confront it, and so on. I don't know all the answers, but age-appropriate discussion with kids is good. I think. Even if they aren't listening. They probably aren't listening.

It also feels dangerous to flip something like the Aziz Ansari story around – as I did above – and consider the scenario of an older woman and a much younger man. I realize #MeToo has everything to do with men behaving badly. But flipping it around called to mind a guy I saw at a Barnes & Noble in Iowa City a few years back. He was with Mila Kunis that day, but Ashton Kutcher, coincidentally – I just Googled it – married Demi Moore when he was 27 and she was 42. The marriage lasted six years and who's to say it wasn't good for both of them. For whatever reason, I guess I'd be more critical of Demi if she was 35 or 37 to Ashton's 20 or 22. Why? Well, life isn't linear to me, even if the law says you're an adult at 18, or 21, or whenever. There are periods of higher growth, sensitivity, and vulnerability. Call me crazy. I do.

Go Vikings in the NFC Championship! M 'n' m have family in Minnesota. Michael likes the Vikes. I almost wrote 'Viqueens' there but I didn't. I'm a Bears fan but not a hater. We'll talk about passive-aggression some other time. Also, employing the feminine as derogatory.

#388

I wrote before about beauty and the superficiality – and artificiality – of magazine covers these days, and magazine content. It's interesting to note, however, that tabloids in their current form have been around for a hundred years, and publicized political bullshit and nonsense for thousands of years, since the Romans for sure, and probably long before that. Dignitaries in ancient Egypt probably spread lies and back-stabbed each other in struggles for rank; the pharaoh must've enjoyed rumors and gossip, even if patently untrue, especially about people who annoyed him. Or annoyed her; several pharaohs were women, don't forget, Cleopatra and others. This is assuming that 'annoying the pharaoh' didn't get you immediately executed. King Tut: "Please take So-And-So to the pit of misery." You know the commercial. "Dilly-dilly!" So the difference I think, between pharaoh's Egypt and today's America, is the over-abundance and ever-presence of it. Unrealistic, sensationalized media I mean; it's in our pockets, literally, on our nightstands, everywhere, and it can be harmful. I guess the magazine racks, and all the bikinis and shirtless-dudes, are only part of it. I just don't want Megan wanting someone else's life, and I hope her primary goal isn't "a life lived as if through the pages of a glossy magazine" (a phrase I'm stealing from Jojo Moyes' book Me Before You). If Megan cures cancer, of course she'll be on magazine covers. But the 'goal' would be the former. If she pursued a career in art, acting, or modeling, I would support her. And success might include magazines and mass media, but.... never mind, I sound like a parent, a really boring and annoying one. Ah, yes, give him a private tour of the pit of misery! Hey, not to be melodramatic, but that's parenting sometimes. We never make perfect sense to our kids. I don't make sense to myself, half the time. Maybe because parenting is emotional, complex, important, awesome. Experts don't exist. Opinions, methods, philosophies, personalities, perspectives vary and vary wildly, it seems to me. Blah blah. There's a point I'd like to make, however, that sort of eases my concerns about glossy magazines and the ubiquity of hyperbolized media, and it has to do with YouTubers. YouTubers are celebrities to our kids; they have been for years; this is old news. M 'n' m can't name any movie stars, but they can recite and mimic popular YouTubers like it's their job. And here's what I see: YouTubers are messy. It's not magazine cover stuff. It's real, even if outrageous and staged, even if obnoxious and stupid. So maybe that's a blessing in disguise. Real people. But again, that's me looking through a lens – and a childhood – that didn't have YouTube. We didn't have photoshop either, or thousands of mainstream fitness, modeling, entertainment, and fashion magazines and websites. Life was simpler back then, wasn't it?

I mentioned F-words in #387 and Grandpa Mike should thank me for not mentioning him. I remember when he was very frustrated with his smartphone at a hotel in Orlando the night before he took M 'n' m to Disney World. Megan heard some new words for sure. But hey, Disney World. And I believe grandpas are supposed to be great seasoners of their grandchildren. It's their job, and the great ones do it richly. My grandpas were two of the very best. M 'n' m are similarly blessed. For that, I'm grateful.

"One of the guards who looked after my grandfather told me how he smuggled me in when I was eight months old, so my grandfather could hug and kiss me."
      — Nelson Mandela's granddaughter

"The reason grandchildren and grandparents get along so well is that they share the same enemy."
     — Sam Levenson

"Trying to explain how much I love my grandkids is like trying to count the stars."
     — internet meme

"Saw it... liked it... told Grandma... got it!"
     — internet meme

"Grandma: like a mom, only cooler."
     — internet meme

"My grandfather once told me that there were two kinds of people: those who do the work and those who take the credit. He told me to try to be in the first group; there was much less competition."
     — Indira Gandhi

"More and more, when I single out the person who inspired me most, I go back to my grandfather."
     — James Earl Jones

"I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch."
     — Woody Allen... had to end with a funny one

Megan likes a musician called Avicii...

... and so do I, especially since he writes lyrics like the ones below. I don't know the story behind this song and its lyrics, but at face value, I like 'em. Megan's been playing it in the car lately. Plus Avicii is Swedish. We have Swedish ancestry. I went to Stockholm last year. It's pretty rich with history and culture. And it's beautiful in the summer; it's an archipelago like Venice (which I didn't realize until I visited). And I like Swedish meatballs, lingonberries, herring, and reindeer meat. And Vikings. And the warship Vasa.

From Avicii's "The Nights"

Went face to face with all our fears
Learned our lessons through the tears
Made memories we knew would never fade
One day my father, he told me
"Son, don't let it slip away"
He took me in his arms, I heard him say
"When you get older
Your wild heart will live for younger days
Think of me if ever you're afraid"
He said: "One day you'll leave this world behind
So live a life you will remember"
My father told me when I was just a child
"These are the nights that never die"
My father told me
When thunder clouds start pouring down
Light a fire they can't put out
Carve your name into those shining stars
He said: "Go venture far beyond the shores
Don't forsake this life of yours
I'll guide you home, no matter where you are"

#387

I like words. I like clever phrasings (I underline them in the books I read). I like dialogue, dictionaries, lyrics, and jokes. I even like a few bad words, and the way good, smart, funny people use them for emphasis and humor. There are bad people though, and I don't like it when bad people use bad words. And there are some words I'll never use, but I'm not on any moral high horse; word selection involves choices and preferences like everything else, to which everyone is entitled, with the exception of things that cause hate and hurt. So anyway, fuck, I've lost my train of thought. That, actually, isn't the best use of an F-word in my opinion. It's just kind of flat there, and alone. But sometimes a good bad word is okay, even helpful. I think there's a movie where one character says to another, "I fucking love you." Now, depending on the giver and receiver of that statement, it's okay; it's all good; maybe it's even better because of that special... adverb? Is that an adverb? I'm not sure; I know it's been variously and enthusiastically used in all forms: noun, verb, adjective, adverb, modifier, qualifier, classifier, proper (it's been awhile since I took an English grammar class). I know that grandmas, in general, don't like F-words as much as comedians, athletes, and angry people. I don't use the F-word in front of kids, mine or any others. Again, no moral superiority, I just can't do it. M 'n' m will be adults soon, and then I wonder if I'll drop one on them once in a while. It may depend on how they use and respond to language; I'm inclined to match (within reason); I like to fit in; I'm a people-pleaser. No doubt M 'n' m will be fairly desensitized by popular culture and movies as they mature into adults. Of course, I agree there should be accepted rules for the use of bad words, especially around young people. Of course, I advocate respect, sensitivity, not being a classless, ignorant jerk, and so on.

I like words but I only know them fluently in English. There are 6909 living languages according to Google, although only 6% of those serve 94% of us on the globe. But 6% of 6909 is still about 415 languages. That's a lot of words and sounds, even if many of them mean the same things. But they don't always mean the same things. Dialects and slang exist (I'm not sure how they're accounted for in the numbers above). And multiple meanings and multiple uses exist. It's within these subcategories, I guess, that teens develop their own language. A kind of teen slang evolves for every generation or decade, roughly demarcated, and I've noticed for several years now when the kids – Megan, Michael, Sophie, Cole, their friends and teammates – use words curiously to me, in ways I consider new or unusual. Here are examples: Triggered, Roasted, Exposed, Savage, Same, Epic, Trash, Garbage, False, Lit, Shade (as in 'throwing shade') and so on; there are more. And I noticed some slang usages never die. The word 'like' is alive and well in teen lexicon, and I don't mean as introduced by Facebook. I'm talking about, like, how valley girls used it back in the '80s. Or was it surfers? Jeff Spicoli? Bill and Ted? I still say 'dude' and 'awesome' but I don't think M 'n' m do. 'Totally' hasn't, like, totally died, has it? Pretty sure Bitchin', Bad, Rad, Gnarly, Wicked, No Duh, and Not! aren't popular anymore. Been forever since I heard someone say they're gonna 'barf' because 'that's grody, dude.' Airhead, dork, dweeb, poser, spazz? I was called all of these things many times (30 years ago). Dude, quit bein' a spazz. Okay. But life was awesome back then, when people said 'take a chill pill' and 'skate or die.' I miss it. So when Michael or Cole say something is epic or savage or lit (some of these, by the way, are already uncool I think), I tell them, "Enjoy it, dudes, it's awesome, it's pretty rad being young, but it goes by fast."

Stuff About Things #13

"I'm very grateful.... I'm very happy. It is life changing. If it's not, there's something wrong with you.... The moment that baby's born you're like, okay, hey, it's not about me anymore. Which is kind of a relief I think.... Having a family is crazy, it's bigger than any movie, but having a son is like winning an Oscar every morning, when I hear him, man, I am a father."
     — Tom Arnold, with Bear Grylls

"It's about expectations. My wife, that's why she loves me, her expectations are so low."
     — Tom Arnold

"People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."
     — Maya Angelou

"The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched."
     — Helen Keller

"Our legacy isn’t what we write on our resume or how many commas we have in our bank account. It’s who we’re lucky enough to have in our lives and what we can leave them with. The one thing we do know, we’re here now. So I say we do the best we can, while we're on this side of the dirt, and that’s what I think about my legacy."
     — Henry, the Book of Henry 

"Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all."
     — Hellen Keller

"Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the face."
     — Mike Tyson

"It had long since come to my attention that people of accomplishment rarely sat back and let things happen to them. They went out and happened to things."
     — Leonardo Da Vinci

"Remember, Babe Ruth was not only the home run king, he was also the strikeout king."
     — Steve Case, entrepreneur, co-founder of America Online

"No one is qualified to tell you how you experience the world."
     — Vlad Zamfir

"Do your thinking independently. Be the chess player, not the chess piece."
     — Ralph Charell

"You learn the secret of this business, which is there's no secret. Be yourself."
     — Larry King

"'There was an energy surrounding (John Travolta on the set of Grease) unlike anything I had ever experienced,' says Dinah Manoff. 'It wasn't even lusting. It was being in the presence of something epic. I had never been around charisma that was at its peak that way. I cannot describe it to you. There is no other movie star I have been around who carried around the energy he did in those days.' Travolta had already wrapped Saturday Night Fever, which would be released that December. He asked some of the cast if they'd watch a preview. 'I don't know if it's any good,' he told them. 'I wish you guys would tell me.' 'And he meant it - he had no idea how good it was,' says Didi Conn, who attended the screening. 'We flipped out. We said, are you kidding?! It was part of this explosion around him.' Travolta was actually still coping with the loss of his great love, the actress Diana Hyland, who had died in his arms that spring, losing her battle with cancer."
     — Vanity Fair magazine

"People with a vested interest in a certain kind of philosophy find it almost impossible to accept facts that go against that particular philosophy."
     — Aldous Huxley

"The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in the mind at the same time, and still retain the ability to function."
     — F. Scott Fitzgerald

"If at first the idea is not absurd, then there is no hope for it."
     — Albert Einstein

"There's a lot of fear associated with being tough."
     — Jonathan Banks

"In a real sense, to grow in life, I must be a seeker of stress."
     — Dr. Jim Loehr

"Never let a good crisis go to waste. It's the universe challenging you to learn something new and rise to the next level of your potential."
     — Kristen Ulmer

"Fear is a friend of exceptional people."
     — Cus D'Amato

"To avoid criticism, say nothing, do nothing, be nothing."
     — Elbert Hubbard

"Every single person, pretty much, is taught what they're supposed to do: go to school, get a job, find someone to love, get married, have kids, raise the kids, and then die. Nobody questions that. What if you want to do something different? ... I don't think you can describe your ideal girl. A big part of that is just meeting someone and really clicking and wanting to hang out with them all of the time.... You go to any Jay-Z concert, and he plays his hits. Comedians don't have hits. You have to have a whole brand-new hour. You have no hits to rely on. It's the hardest thing.... I like to eat.... One of the big things I miss about New York is not my friends so much; it's Shake Shack.... It's hard to get really excited about movies. Think about it like this: How many good comedy movies come out a year? Maybe one or two? And then, in those movies, what are the chances there's a character that I'm the best fit to play? It's really small.... I was a dishwasher at one of those Japanese places that cook on your table. Not too fun.... Even in my stand-up, there's a lot more positivity and enthusiasm rather than negative, I-hate-everything vibes.... You can't call anybody anymore. If you try to call someone they're like 'What? Are you on fire? Then quite wasting my time, text me that shit!'"
     — Aziz Ansari, comedian  

"Humor is the highest form of intelligence."
     — I don't know who said this, maybe no one, but I think it's true; Oscar Wilde said something similar about sarcasm, and I do love the Irish literary giants like Wilde, Joyce, and Yeats...

#386

I tell Megan that she's beautiful. It's funny, however, that it triggers some conflicted thinking, or critical thinking; critical of me, I mean, for emphasizing the wrong things? But I tell Meg she's beautiful – and also my nieces – because: (1) I mean it. (2) They are family so I don't consider it inappropriate. (3) I think being appreciative of your human hardware, so to speak – your physical form, body, capabilities – and being okay with your physical appearance, is helpful to mental health and maturation in young people (4) Young people generally need more confidence and security, not less. (5) Young people need more parental support, not less, and more parental attention, not less, more attention from fathers, especially, it seems, even if our efforts, example, and words aren't perfect (6) Unless you're an ostrich, you'll notice that a certain amount of focus on the physical (health, fitness, appearance, attraction) is part of our culture; right or wrong it's reality and denying so feels counterproductive, maybe even harmful. (7) I praise Megan for numerous non-physical attributes also, which leads to me to... (8) I think she knows that beauty isn't just skin deep; but that's what I worry about. Summary of all points and concerns above I guess: I need to make sure that Megan knows beauty isn't just skin deep. It's much more. As a means to impart this, I don't intend to be restrained in neither my compliments nor my comments about what I think enhances beauty and grace and class, and what detracts from it. So there. It doesn't help that every magazine stand in the country is about half-full of covers featuring six pack abs and toned, glossy bodies, male and female. Even reputable magazines, ones that advise and inform, are too much about looking awesome, and too quick to stage and photoshop every image. They're almost like cartoons in this way, unreal, like superheroes, and I hope every kid sees through this. Admittedly, these magazines do their job of grabbing eyeballs, mine included. This is another thing I can talk to M 'n' m about, understand what grabs your attention and why; your attention and energy are finite, spend them wisely. And I'll be tempted to preach about 'external versus internal beauty,' but I don't find them very distinct or disparate actually; the 'internal' can so drastically affect the 'external.' As far as being human, and at times insecure and swayed by the superficial, I confess: guilty. I appreciate compliments and confidence-boosting comments, superficial or otherwise, and I have no plans to stop appreciating them. I have no plans to stop offering them, either, to others, when appropriate. "You look fantastic." And, "You look bright and full of energy, you are definitely gonna get shit done today!" Or maybe I'll tell Megan, "You look fantastic, and you look ready to go be fantastic, you know, ready to go do good things in the world, be a good person, a fantastic person." So I need to work on my compliments for Megan. I guess that's the whole point of my scribbling today.

"The things that make a woman beautiful – moving with grace, accepting yourself, the ability to enjoy life – are timeless. I don't think elaborate rituals make a woman beautiful."
     — Winona Ryder

"The disease of our times is that we live on the surface. We're like the Platte River, a mile wide and an inch deep."
     — Steven Pressfield

"Beauty, like supreme dominion,
Is but supported by opinion."
     — Ben Franklin

"Beauty in things exists merely in the mind which contemplates them."
     — David Hume

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder."
     — common saying

"Beauty is in the eye of the beer-holder."
     — I couldn't resist, I'm sure I heard jokes like this when I wasn't much older than M, and again, I think it's best to stay ahead of the nonsense kids may encounter, instead of pretending things change; discussing a thing, even smiling about it, is not advocating it, if it's followed by seriousness and a teaching moment about behavior, respect, the effects of alcohol, whatever. I intend to be real. We'll see how that goes.

Now, to set the record straight about another important matter: Ostriches don't bury their heads in the sand to avoid the 'reality' of a predator, as if they stupidly believe that doing so makes them invisible. After mentioning them above, I grew incredulous, then curious, and so I learned Ostriches dig holes to use as nests and then frequently puts their heads in the holes to turns the eggs. That's the behavior that gave them a bad rap. They can't fly, that part is true. But they do have very long, beautiful eyelashes. They look fantastic!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Stuff About Things #12

"I'm concentrating very much on my role as a father. I'm a new father and I take my duties and responsibilities to my family very seriously and I want to bring my children up as good people with the idea of service and duty to others as very important. But if I can't give my time to my children as well, I worry about their future."
     — Prince William, 2016, criticized for uncompromisingly seeking a secluded, 'normal' life for his young family out of the public eye

"You need a strong, unified family base to allow you to have courage to go out there and take risks you probably wouldn't have taken without that strong foundation to fall back on."
     — L.L. Cool J

"Every time I take a shower, I turn off the hot water after I'm all cleaned up, and let it run cold. Standing under cold water for 10 minutes releases my mind from everything – good and bad. It gives me a mental break and lets my body deal with the state of discomfort. It also reminds me of the life I left behind and that I can make it through anything."
     — Marcus Lutrell, former SEAL and author of Lone Survivor

"About 12 years ago, I was running a lot and feeling the wear and tear on my knees, so I decided to try yoga. It was the answer.... It tones my body, soothes my stress, and gives me energy. My creativity and focus came back and it changes my whole spirit."
     — Tommy Hilfiger

"My Andes experience taught me not to lie. There was no sense in lying when we were so close to death. At home my children were born with the story. When my son, Hilario, was four years old, he was asked, 'Did you know that your daddy ate his friends.' My son answered in a very natural way, 'Yes, come along and I'll tell you what happened.'"
     — Dr. Roberto Canessa

"All I knew then was what I wasn't, and it took me years to discover what I was. Which was a writer. By which I mean not a 'good' writer or a 'bad' writer but simply a writer, a person whose most absorbed and passionate hours are spent arranging words on pieces of paper."
     — Joan Didion

"You have to build habits that keep your energy high. This is my formula: (1) Vigorous exercise: When I have a great workout, I rarely have a bad day. (2) Good fuel: When I eat clean, my energy rarely sags. (3) Good partners: Working with positive people keeps your spirits up. (4) Balance: I pray and I also laugh a lot. You won't have focus without balance. (5) A goal: A worthy challenge will take care of your motivation for you."
     — Eric Greitens, former SEAL, author, and current Governor of Missouri

"The best way to cheer yourself up is to cheer everybody else up."
     — Mark Twain

"Imagine enjoying a courtside seat at a game, studying in a classroom of students and teachers all over the world, or consulting with a doctor face-to-face – just by putting on goggles in your home. Virtual reality was once a dream of science fiction. But the internet was also once a dream, and so were computers and smartphones."
     — Mark Zuckerberg

"I think it was important for me both in the (foreign) films I was watching and in the travel I was doing to see, despite the distances, how similar we all are in some ways. And I don't mean that to eradicate the differences because I think our uniqueness is special too, but it's nice to know that we're all wrestling with life and consciousness. I think when you travel, you get that in a very visceral way.... I'm a storyteller. I'm a storyteller while always trying to become a better man, you know? That's who I am."
     — Barry Jenkins, writer and director of Moonlight which won the Oscar for Best Picture

"If it was easy, everyone would do it. You have to be a little bit crazy; you have to have gumption and tenacity. A lot of people give up at the first roadblock. But, for entrepreneurs, if there isn't another road, we create it. We break concrete; we throw dynamite; we figure it out."
     — Jessica Alba, actress and businesswoman

"Obama... noted at one point that even in the nation's darkest moments he gains strength – and perspective – by tapping into an abiding sense of optimism. It is a heartening notion in an era of blaring headlines, instant analysis, and perishable soundbites."
     — Vanity Fair magazine

"I try to be a realistic optimist: I'm very clinical about where we are today, but extremely optimistic about what we're going to get done in the future."
     — Ben Silbermann, co-founder and CEO of Pinterest

"They say that in your 20s you're trying to work out the man that you want to be, and in your 30s you discover who he is. And warped and all, beer gut and all, brain damage and all, you just kind of go, 'Well, this is it, and I might as well try to polish it a tiny bit.' I'm stuck with who I am, but I can be man enough to iron out the creases."
     — Sam Worthington, actor

"If I'm given a negative view, then I'll take that and work harder. You just have to get through anything that's irrelevant or a personal attack, and you might find the gold nugget that can take you to the next level and closer to what you want to achieve in life.... Naomi Watts says it took her 10 years to become an 'overnight success.' And what about Geoffrey Rush? He was almost 50 when Shine hit."
     — Sam Worthington

"The sort of life that I had had previous to this popular success was one that required endurance, a life of clawing and scratching along a sheer surface and holding on tight with raw fingers to every inch of rock higher than the one caught hold of before, but it was a good life because it was the sort of life for which the human organism is created."
     — Tennessee Williams

"Purity of heart is the one success worth having."
     — Tennessee Williams

"'Every day I wake up and there's a barn owl in my bed,' he says. Fortunately, (Simon) Rouse's girlfriend doesn't mind. Nor does she mind the the kestrel (a kind of falcon) flying around the living room, or the 30 birds – all of which are capable of snapping the neck of a rabbit or even a fox – living in cages outside his home. Sure, there are aviaries for birds like this. Rouse just prefers the roommate situation. 'To me, it's normal,' he says. 'But to everyone else, I suppose I'm kind of a freak.'"
     — Men's Health magazine

"It's so tempting... to retreat to narrow arrogance, pre-formed positions, rigid filters, the 'moral clarity' of the immature. The alternative is dealing with massive, high-entropy amounts of info and ambiquity and conflict and flux; it's continually discovering new areas of personal ignorance and delusion. In sum, to really try to be informed and literate today is to feel stupid nearly all the time, and to need help. That's about as clearly as I can put it."
     — David Foster Wallace

"If my career had turned out like the fantasy I had of what it was going to be, it would never have made me happy. But I couldn't have known that until it didn't happen. I found a success that is so much bigger and deeper and better, and it's because it happened later. If any of what I'm having happen now – the successes – would have happened to me when I was younger, I would have been ruined. Because when you're young, and things comes super easily to you, and you have successes right out of the gate, you're liable to think that's how it actually works. You start to think you don't need to be fully prepared or committed to have these things meet you.... I muscled a lot of what I've achieved by sheer force of will and relentless determination. And I wasn't hearing a lot of 'Everything's going to be fine.'"
     — Sarah Paulson, actress

"Question with boldness even the existence of a God; because, if there be one, he must more approve of the homage of reason, than that of blindfolded fear."
     — Thomas Jefferson

"Labor to keep alive in your breast that little spark of celestial fire, called conscience."
     — Thomas Jefferson

"Few men have virtue to withstand the highest bidder."
     — Thomas Jefferson

"We're all dying, but if you're not chasing your dream, you're already dead."
     — Steve Mazan, who is still alive despite being told 12 years ago that he had inoperable liver cancer and less than five years to live

"The part came very easily for me – which doesn't say much for my mental health."
     — Anthony Hopkins on his role as Hannibal Lector

"I'm very pleased to be here. Let's face it, at my age I'm very happy to be anywhere.... I can't afford to die. I'm booked. I'd lose a fortune.... I would go out with women my age, but there are no women my age.... I can't understand why I flunked American history. When I was a kid there was so little of it."
     — Comedian George Burns who lived to be 100 and continued to work until his death

I look to the future because that's where I'm going to spend the rest of my life.... Retirement at 65 is ridiculous. When I was 65 I still had pimples.... The most important thing in acting is honesty. If you can fake that, you've got it made.... I'd rather be a failure at something I love than a success at something I hate.... I love to sing, and I love to drink scotch. Most people would rather hear me drink scotch.... In those days, the best painkiller was ice; it wasn't addictive and it was particularly effective if you poured some whiskey over it."
     — George Burns

#385

Megan's basketball bag was stinky last night. That's awesome! A sure sign someone's an athlete and competitor: stinky gym clothes wadded in a duffel with shoes – that aren't roses either – and water bottles, ponytail holders, and so on. I love Megan!

I realize her stinky clothes may reflect poorly on me, as I am Megan's laundryman. But don't worry, I'll wash them. At least once, like mid-season. Kidding.

A word on the word 'competitor' which I used above: Competitors, of course, aren't just those who oppose other people, other teams. Competing with oneself, the person you were yesterday, the athlete / worker / artist you were yesterday, is competition too. It's the hardest kind, in fact; continuous improvement is a continuous challenge, the opposite of complacent, the farthest thing from lazy. It's definitely the most important kind of competition. Amen.

At the train station in Chicago, there's an area called the French Market. It's full of proprietors at counters selling a cornucopia of consumables. Michael likes to eat there (when he comes into the city with me), but I walk through just for the smells. There are inviting, interesting aromas of all kinds. We don't use our noses like most animals. Maybe we should. At the French Market I breath deeply and sniff donuts, baked goods, bread, cooked meats, cured meats, seafood, spices, ethnic foods, coffee, flowers. It's a feast for the nose and eyes, and the taste buds too if I stop and eat as I do with Michael. And sometimes they have live music so the ears aren't left out. Life can be rich if you take a second to consume it, in the moment, by observation, inhalation, whatever, take it in, say thanks, and then head off to work or catch your ride home. Amen. Again. Sorry. Very preachy today. Drank too much coffee.

M 'n' m both had orchestra concerts last week and they were fantastic. Michael's show featured some high school musicians who were truly brilliant, it seemed to me, in particular a violinist who was magnificent and flawless; I imagine it will cost money to see her play someday (the school concerts are free). And there was a young man who played the piano and then the viola in the highest of four levels of musicians. I was like, "Holy shit, wasn't that guy just playing the piano like Elton John, and now he's fiddling like 'The Devil Went Down to Georgia?'" That's special. Musicianship at its finest. Michael's in the second level of the four groups; not bad for a freshman. He learned the bass this year and performed with that; formerly he played only the cello. I love Michael! Megan is a cellist, and I suspect her adoration of her big brother played a part in her choice of instrument.

Stuff About Things #11

"I plan it so I finish skating and work before 3 PM. This way I can spend time with my kids. With my teenage boys, I can identify with the awkwardness, being less confident than you project, and the need for belonging. When I was that age, I had support for my skating, but I didn't have anyone campaigning for my personality. So I try to instill in them that they are funny and interesting, and to be curious about the world."
     — Tony Hawk

"My Grandpa (Francis Ford Coppola) told me, 'Learn to love anxiety, because it never goes away in moviemaking.' ... (My new movie) is about the growing pains of being young - discovering who you are, realizing your parents are flawed human beings, realizing that life gets more complex, and not less, as you get older."
     — Gia Coppola"

Relax. No one else knows what they're doing either."
     — Ricky Gervais

"I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work."
     — Thomas Edison

"Ten days before he became so famous that crowds would form around any building that contained him and waiters would fight over a corncob left on his dinner plate, no one had heard of Charles Lindbergh. The New York Times had mentioned him once, in the context of the coming Atlantic flights. It had misspelled his name."
     — Bill Bryson, One Summer: America, 1927

"Luck lives in the city. Luck don’t live out here. You understand? ... Wolves don't kill unlucky deer. They kill the weak ones."
     — Cory Lambert (played by Jeremy Renner) in Wind River 

"I write every day. There's nothing like a well-structured sentence to make you feel like everything is right with the world."
     — Makenzie Leigh

It's a mystery I've never solved: What is it that drives me to perform when I can hardly hold my own at a dinner party.... (If forced to choose between rock and writing) I wouldn't hesitate, I couldn't live without writing."
     — Patti Smith

Knowledge will give you power, but character will give you respect."
     — Bruce Lee

"Laughter and Hitchens were inseparable companions, and comedy was one of the most powerful weapons in his arsenal.... (He was) the most indefatigable of allies and the most eloquent of defenders."
     — Salmon Rushdie on his friend Christopher Hitchens

"It could be argued that those who seek to make themselves over into a finer state of health and physique and fitness should not put off the job until they are in their 59th summer. As against that comes the piercing realization that, if you have actually made it this far and want to continue featuring in the great soap opera of your own existence, you had better take some swift remedial steps. It was all summed up quite neatly by whoever first said that if he'd known he was going to live this long he'd have taken better care of himself."
     — Christopher Hitchens

"Accept the seasons of your heart."
     — Kahlil Gibran

"Outer world follows inner world."
     — Peter Sage

"Let you religion be less of a theory and more of a love affair."
     — G. K. Chesterton

"Bad style doesn't discriminate. What it does do, kind of like coke-snorting and clubbing, is get much, much less cute as you age. When you're young and you dress too trendy, you look like a schmuck. When you're old and you dress too trendy, you look like an even bigger schmuck."
     — Details magazine

"I love elections. It's so much fun. It's even more fun when you're not on the ballot."
     — Barack Obama, saying so wryly

"I relish risk. Risk is extra life."
     — Jeremy Irons

"The main thing is to keep the main thing the main thing."
     — Sarah Elizabeth Lewis

"If something didn't capture my attention, I was beyond useless. If it did, my focus was unbreakable.... I improved very quickly because of my ability to focus on one thing that fascinated me.... I don't live one day at a time, I live 20 minutes at a time. It drives my wife Anita crazy because I can't think of what I'm doing tomorrow."
     — David Feherty 

"There will come a time when you believe everything is finished. That will be the beginning."
     — Louis L'Amour

"I'm always working to find the balance between the ideal and the practical, and that's why I like this advice from Steve Jobs: 'Realize that sometimes best is the enemy of better. Sometimes I go for best when I should go for better, and end up going nowhere.'"
     — Jack Dorsey

"You may not be an eternal optimist, but you're probably not a natural naysayer either. You just need to build your optimism muscles. Each week, pick one part of your life - career, relationships - and envision the next decade if all goes well. This exercise can improve your whole-life outlook, say scientists from the University of California at Riverside."
     — Men's Health magazine

"Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding."
     — Kahlil Gibran

"Without suffering, no beauty."
     — French saying

Lenny Kravitz and the first validation not from his parents...

... which means his parents gave him A LOT of validation to help him arrive at this impressive 'second' validating moment. It's an important job we have as parents to inspire, reassure, and validate. I guess even rock stars can flower into full bloom under parental support. I just never thought of parents as helpful to rockstardom.

"I was playing in Switzerland and after the show there was a knock on my door. I said, 'Who is it?' A voice said, 'Yoko Ono.' And I was like, 'Yeah right.' I'm thinking somebody's playing with me: 'Go away.' Another knock. 'Who is it?' 'Yoko Ono.' I think I said something crude, to leave me alone. Finally, they knocked again, and I opened it because I was curious to see who was pulling this gag on me. There was Yoko Ono, standing at my door. I'm a huge John Lennon fan. My first album had a lot of his influence because I was so into the Plastic Ono Band at that time. So Yoko came in and was telling me how much she enjoyed my music. Then she told me, 'John would've really liked your album. The way you sing, that's the kind of voice he wanted to sing with.' I was blown away. I couldn't believe that this woman was telling me this. Then we began a friendship and I played at a John Lennon tribute concert in Liverpool in 1990. It was unexpected validation - the first thing I can remember in my career that was not from my parents."
     — Lenny Kravitz

On Bill Russell, a giant

"I love the interviews that I learn from. (For example) I adore Bill Russell. Segregation was never a problem for him – if you don't want to see me play, that's fine. I'm outta here. He had a dignity and an aura about him that I only experienced one other time – when I shook hands with Nelson Mandela. It wouldn't have mattered what era Bill Russell had been born in; he would have been a giant at whatever he did."
     — David Feherty

"He was born in 1934 to poor parents in Louisiana, the Jim Crow South. He became the first African-American superstar in basketball. Before he was drafted by the Celtics, he led San Francisco University to two NCAA championships (San Francisco was his first and only scholarship offer). He also won a gold medal in 1956. He quickly became the centerpiece of the Celtics’ dynasty in the late '50s and '60s. He was the NBA’s MVP five times and an All-Star 12 times in 13 seasons. He and his rival Wilt Chamberlain are the only players to get more than 50 rebounds in a game. Russell’s intensity was unrelenting, as were his expectations of his teammates. He would get so worked up before games that he would vomit. The sound reassured his teammates. Havlicek called it 'a tremendous sound, almost as loud as his laugh.' And, said Havlicek, 'It’s a welcome sound, too, because it means he’s keyed up for the game and around the locker room we'd grin and say, man, we’re gonna be all right tonight.'"
     — New England Historical Society

"The most successful television is done in eight-second thoughts, and the things I know about basketball, motivation, and people go deeper than that."
     — Bill Russell, who did some broadcasting/commentating but didn't like it and didn't continue

"If your kids experience kindness growing up, they will know how it feels. A lot of people equate kindness with weakness. But true kindness is an act of strength."
     — Bill Russell

(For his philanthropic accomplishments in Civil Rights and mentoring young people, President Obama awarded Bill Russell the Presidential Medal of Freedom.) "'Is this the greatest personal honor in his life?' (He was asked.) 'A close second,' Russell replied. Umm, what’s first? 'When he was about 77, my father and I were talking,' Russell answered. 'And he said: You know, you're all grown up now, and I want to tell you something. You know, I am very proud of the way you turned out as my son, and I'm proud of you as a father.' 'My father is my hero, okay, and I cannot perceive of anything topping that.'"
     — The New York Times

#384

Megan had about 8 inches of her hair cut off. I didn't notice but several of her basketball teammates did. "You got your hair cut! It looks great!" they told her cheerfully. "I didn't notice," I said. "Of course you didn't," they said. I love Megan, her hair, and her basketball team. Her teammates are great supporters of each other, friends, competitors, little comedians sometimes, winners, sweet, smart, very tough; I'm grateful Megan is a part of it all. Indeed, the girls play hard and occasionally collide, bump, knock each other down. But it's never dirty (like Duke's Grayson Allen, for example, who trips everyone in frustration). So on Sunday when an opponent ended up on the floor and the other coach stormed out and glared at our team, I took heightened interest; it seemed like he wanted to snap at our girls. I felt myself begging him to do so. Which is wrong of me, of course. I can be conflict-averse, passive-aggressive, and just plain wimpy, but there at times when this is not the case, when I feel free and right and completely oblivious to everyone except the person I think is behaving badly. Or about to. The other coach looked down and mumbled something we couldn't hear. Good. I would've thrown some energy at him otherwise, only verbally obviously, but enough to embarrass myself and accomplish little else. But I wouldn't have cared; it's very liberating to be single-minded like that. "You talk to your team. You do NOT talk to our team. Ever. Out of anger, anyway. No one will make our girls feel bad for playing hard and competing fairly. They are respectful and good-hearted; I know this about every one of them. Coach Mike and I witness this over and over again, as do all the other families; we've spent many hours together. It's really a special group. There are ornery kids in the world, some with only a speck (but a measurable speck nonetheless) and I have known and coached a few of this sort, and found it interesting, challenging, even enjoyable (being around, and trying to steer and focus, all types of competitors). And I can tell you exactly none of Megan's teammates have a mean streak (or speck). Megan, on the other hand.... ah, not true, she is one of the least aggressive; she's a million miles from ornery on the court; maybe she should be a smidge closer, in fact?

The instinct to protect and defend someone else is a fascinating one to me. Evolution may explain why we do so for our offspring, but what about for friends? When no harm to ourselves is impending, but we put ourselves in jeopardy for a friend... what is the force behind this, the scientific force or explanation? Is it 'the preservation of social structures inside which members can more optimally survive and thrive?' That sounds like bullshit because it is; I just made it up. But we are social beings. Even so, it doesn't sound very Darwinian to risk big for a friend. It's something finer. For some people it's a job to risk and serve (armed forces, police, fire, education professionals, those in charities, non-profits, some churches) and I'm grateful. It's impressive when dedication and sacrifice are on full display in someone who isn't a mama grizzly bear with two cubs behind her.

Yes, grizzlies are the quintessential protective parents. Yes, it is only the moms. (Bear dads are deadbeats and dangerous but let's not examine that as metaphor or any kind of common, cross-species trait, thank you very much.) Grizzly mamas are enormous, fierce, and aggressive when it comes to keeping babies safe. This is common knowledge. This is awesome. Every parent not only understands, but admires, the grizzly mom who will unhesitatingly deploy a massive paw, bristling with claws like a morning star, to scalp, de-limb, slice to ribbons, or otherwise deter any creature that threatens her cubs. Her message is clear: Don't do it. Don't even think about it. Thankfully, we aren't wolves or mountain lions that – because they're either very brave or very starving – will sometimes attempt to take a cub, and sometimes succeed, despite unfavorable odds and horrible, bloody risk. As for humans, according to research, seventy percent of human deaths caused by grizzly bears are related to mothers protecting cubs. Oh, and the mothers also teach the cubs everything, feed and care for them, hang out and play with them, snuggle them.... Hey dad bears, WTF?!

The most important things... and don't wait to write some of it down...

"People say, 'Man, you must have some amazing realizations about life.' It's funny, but what I learned from my injury was something I already knew: Family and relationships are the most important things, not what kind of job you have or the car you drive."
     — Jim Kane, who recovered from a traumatic brain injury in a car accident that initially left him unable to walk and talk

"I came home to a pale and elegant body in an open coffin, her thin hands crossed on her breast.... A million sights and sounds rang through my head as I stared down at her. I thought about the times when I was a little boy, no more than five, when she would let me sleep at the foot of her bed so we could listen to her Philco, how I drifted off to sleep with the tinny voices.... She told me she saw Hank Williams once, back before he died. But she was flying pretty high on her medicine that night and might have told a lie, since she felt that another benefit of old age (in addition to playing your radio all night long if you want to) was that it gave you license to lie (with a smile).... But it was then, as that dead man's poetry ran through my mind, as I stared down at that old woman I had seen for just a few hours a year on Thanksgiving and Christmas because I wrongly believed I was doing more important things, that I knew I should not wait any longer to write some of this down, whether anyone ever read it or not."
     — Rick Bragg, All Over but the Shoutin'

"The best things in life can't be possessed." — Bob Schieffer

#383

I would rather grocery shop with M 'n' m than by myself, but I get annoyed when they grab pricey stuff, like the boutique-y brand when the same thing on the shelf below is half the price. It's packaged differently – and on 'Red Alert Savings!' – but it's familiar, it's not generic usually; yeah, I mean recognizable brands overshadowed by alternatives that are organic, vegan, imported, not imported, small batch, family owned, eco-friendly, 'as seen on Shark Tank,' 'all profits go to charity,' whatever, and that's terrific, but I won't buy breakfast bars at eight bucks a box. Then I checkout and... "Would you like to donate a dollar today to children in need?" Ah geez, what kind of supreme asshole says no to that? Well, I do. Sometimes.

I want M 'n' m to be good at something that I, for one, am pretty shitty at. Parenting without hypocrisy, by the way, isn't parenting; they need a parent, not a buddy. And I forget this everyday and act like a buddy. God help me. And forgive me. And God help M 'n' m. Anyway, this is what I want: I want M n m, if they decide not to think about something, to be good at not thinking about it. Sounds simple, right? Well, I suck at it. Obsessive-compulsiveness runs in our family, and probably ADHD, and I'm pretty sure they run in every family now; we are over-stimulated by media that's relentless, ever-present, and often negative. It's more important than ever to block out distraction and limit unhelpful thoughts. We know when our thoughts become self-defeating and cynical in a way that doesn't serve us. But we let 'em get that way, and carry on, especially when things go sideways and we need their help the most. If I could imbue M 'n' m with one skill, it would be the ability to control and steer thoughts. Keep it positive, yo!

"You can't go from mentally broken to mentally fierce. You build it, you build it, you build it. There are a lot of ways to build it. Self-talk, seeing things in a different light, reading biographies of people who had a hard time in life and made it, hearing the stories of other people who had the same problems as you do and made it.... Anytime you have a negative thought, just crush it, destroy it, obliterate it." — YouTube motivation video

I want M 'n' m to consider another idea... the idea that just being human... just being a human being... is extraordinary. It's remarkable. There's nothing else like it in the universe (that we know of, yet). The human body, the human mind, the world... it's all pretty amazing. You don't even need to be on drugs to think so, man – you know, hallucinogenic, psychedelic, bliss-inducing shit. (I'm trying to be clever. I shouldn't do that.) What I mean is: being impressed with your hands, eyes, voice, mind, what it means to be human, what it takes to be human (it's not easy) and all the things accomplished and created by human beings, and expressing this wonder and appreciation, is far from ridiculous. It sounds a little silly and trite, but it isn't; it's fucking impressive! So there. I know that 7.6 billion people exist today (I just googled it) but that doesn't make us boring, common, unimpressive. On the contrary. (Although I love this headline from The Onion: Miracle of Birth Occurs For 83 Billionth Time.) Regardless, I think every person has the potential to astonish the rest of us, and many will. I agree with Ken Burns, the master documentarian, filmmaker, observer of history and humanity: "You begin to realize there are no ordinary people. That's one of the great lessons of 40 years of doing this history business." We're extraordinary. Every on of us. Amen.

Stuff About Things #10

"It's funny – we didn't get along that well at first. He was the coolest guy around. Everybody thought so. I'm a skeptic. I kept asking myself, 'What's so cool about this guy?' But he was so not full of himself. You just knew he had this big heart, and there was room in there for the whole universe. Then I started listening to him play, to the songs, how they were little dramas. And it started working on me. It was so organic, the way our relationship developed.... His ideas would spill over one another like a flood. And he would pop out notes like rivets, each perfectly formed. I can't tell you how hard that is, to be that consistent at that speed."
     — Phil Lesh talking about Jerry Garcia

"It is very important to generate a good attitude, a good heart." 

     — Dalai Lama 

"The heart that loves is always young."

     — Unknown

"Now I just want to fly home between shows. I just like it: pruning trees, straightening lawn chairs and shit. And camera phones have made the world difficult to live in. I'm approachable and always up to take pictures, but it gets old.... You know, when I started, I liked Big Macs and Budweiser and I still like Big Macs and Budweiser.... If it sounds good, you'll hear it. If it looks good, you'll see it. If it's marketed right, you'll buy it. But if it's real... you'll feel it.... I always looked up to so many people before me and was lucky to become such good friends with them. I learned so much hanging out with those cats.... Surround yourself with good people. Whether they're the best or not, people are capable of learning if they've got good hearts and they're good souls."
     — Kid Rock (I've been reading a bit about Kid Rock lately and it's interesting; he seems generous, genuine, refreshingly honest)

"People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily."
     — Zig Ziglar

"What makes you enthusiastic? Find what makes you enthusiastic and you're at the highest level of human experience. The path to happiness is enthusiasm." — YouTube motivation video

"We act as though comfort and luxury were the chief requirements in life, when all we need to make us happy is something to be enthusiastic about."
     — Charles Kingsley

"Success is going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm."
     — Winston Churchill

"Enthusiasm is one of the most powerful engines of success.... Be active, be energetic, be enthusiastic and faithful.... Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm."

     — Ralph Waldo Emerson

"To converse with Dwayne Johnson is to be immersed in the positive, a symphony of up notes. It is also to be flattered with questions." — Men's Journal magazine

"The core of Dwayne (Johnson) is his relentless drive, and that has never wavered... and his ability to be very coachable. He has no vulnerability in that way. Other people ask how was it, and they want to be told, you were great! He'll say no, really, let's break it down."
     — Dany Garcia, Johnson's ex-wife and current business partner

"He wanted to know about what makes things funny. He's got a lot of humility, which is not a feature that usually gets you very far in show business. He's not a afraid of asking questions."
     — Alan Arkin on Dwayne Johnson

"He never looks as if he is trying or posing. That's his secret. People in our business want to be perceived differently than they are. But you never get the sense he is trying to prove anything to anybody. Really, he is a good guy. Just a really good guy."
     — Steve Carell on Dwayne Johnson

"At first I had to fight to be taken seriously in Hollywood. I understood I would have to do that."
     — Dwayne Johnson

"Try not to become a man of success, but rather, try to become a man of value."
     — Albert Einstein

"Life is too short to be small."
     — Benjamin Disreali 

"I think it's surprising for people (that neither of us are affiliated with a political party). Maybe it's the current climate, but our parents raised us to have our own opinions and emotions and be curious, independent thinkers." ... "People will say to us, 'Why are y'all so normal?' It's like, Thank you... I think."
     — Barbara and Jenna Bush, former 'first daughters'

"The greatest discovery of all time is that a person can change his future by merely changing his attitude."

     — Oprah Winfrey

"Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak. Courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen."

     — Winston Churchill

"I grew up in America, a martial culture. We are Spartans, not Athenians. Jocks get trophies; nerds get wedgies. Our public spaces are named after generals, not scientists or composers. We love stories about people facing danger and fighting evil back-to-back, risking their lives and saving each other for a good cause. All this despite the fact that we're mostly a nation of shoppers. While our fighting's done for us by professionals, we participate in war the way couchbound sports fans do in the game.... The most truthful writers on the subject admit that war is both terrible and beautiful, calling forth not only brutality but the finest humanity - valor, loyalty, self-sacrifice, and kindness. 'Under fire, Animal Mother is one of the finest human beings in the world,' one soldier says of another in Full Metal Jacket: 'All he needs is someone to throw hand grenades at him the rest of his life.' ... (And regarding the politics of war) Michael Herr writes about the grunts' political views on Vietnam, for example, 'We all had roughly the same position on the war: We were in it, and that was a position.'"
     — Tim Kreider, Men's Journal

"Nobody's a hero, nobody's a villain, we're all a little of both."
     — Jeannette Walls

"I choose to run toward my problems, not away from them. Because that's what heroes do."
     — Thor

"Everything in the universe is a pitcher brimming with wisdom and beauty."
     — Rumi

"(Upon returning home to Hawaii after a trip or a show), the first thing I do - even before I walk into the house - is spend a half hour checking out my garden. I grow taro, spinach, kale, eggplants, peppers, and a lot of different herbs.... When we're recording, the band can pull plants and make a salad."
     — Jack Johnson

"Now I just want to fly home between shows. I just like it: pruning trees, straightening lawn chairs and shit. And camera phones have made the world difficult to live in. I'm approachable and always up to take pictures, but it gets old."
     — Kid Rock

"Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
     — Rumi

"Seeing much, suffering much, and studying much are the three pillars of learning."
     — Benjamin Disreali

 "Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance."
     — Will Durant

"Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored."
     — Aldous Huxley

On the heels of Thanksgiving, a few words about families and friends

"The only rock I know that stays steady, the only institution I know that works is the family."
     — Lee Iacocca

"Call it a clan, call it a network, call it a tribe, call it a family. Whatever you call it, whoever you are, you need one."
     — Jane Howard

"You don’t choose your family. They are God’s gift to you, as you are to them."
     — Desmond Tutu

"Walking with a friend in the dark is better than walking alone in the light."
     — Helen Keller

"Some people go to priests, others to poetry, I to my friends."
     — Virginia Woolf

"I don’t need a friend who changes when I change and who nods when I nod; my shadow does that better." 
     — Plutarch

"Friends are the family you choose."
     — Jess C. Scott

Stuff About Things Special Edition: Thanksgiving!

Okay, some facts about Thanksgiving. Hopefully not fake facts, you know, 'fake news,' info we must discount, disparage if it's inconvenient or inglorious. Although, there is a lot of bullshit out there; I've complained about that myself, so much 'news' is sensationalized, inflammatory crap; 24-hour, non-stop, red-faced crap! But bullshit and opinions have always been around, since the beginning of time, so I should probably get over it. There are facts too. Truth exists. Let's hope this Thanksgiving trivia is derived from historian consensus and accurate! From allparenting.com:

The first Thanksgiving was held in the autumn of 1621 and included 50 Pilgrims and 90 Wampanoag Indians and lasted three days.

Thanksgiving didn't become a national holiday until over 200 years later. Sarah Josepha Hale, the woman who actually wrote the classic song “Mary Had a Little Lamb,” convinced President Lincoln in 1863 to make Thanksgiving a national holiday, after writing letters for 17 years campaigning for this to happen.

What was on the menu? Not turkey. Likely venison, ducks, geese, oysters, lobster, eel, and fish. They probably ate pumpkins, but no pumpkin pies. 

The first Thanksgiving was eaten with spoons and knives, no forks. Forks weren't introduced to the Pilgrims until 10 years later and weren't a popular utensil until the 18th century. 

Thanksgiving is the reason for TV dinners. (Which I mentioned, coincidentally, in #382!) In 1953, Swanson had 260 tons of extra turkey and a salesman suggested they package it onto aluminum trays with other sides like sweet potatoes. The first TV dinner was born.

Thanksgiving was almost a fast, not a feast. The early settlers gave thanks by praying and abstaining from food, which is what they planned on doing to celebrate their first harvest. But then the Wampanoag Indians joined them and turned their fast into a three-day feast.