Michael is my height now. That's an old photo below. He shaves. He'll drive soon. WTF dude. I remember your birth. I remember setting you on the scale in the nursery at the hospital. You were fifteen minutes old. I was crying and crying. You were not. You were dazed, puffy-faced, slowly exercising your fingers and eyes. That was yesterday, fucking yesterday. Time flies but I am so grateful.
Recently, Michael said, "I have to do my homework on paper tonight, I left my iPad in the orchestra room." That sounded strange to me; I wondered, What strange things will Michael hear from his kids someday? Stuff like: "We had a driver on the bus this morning," or "Can I get a data implant?" or "Why can't I have unlimited 7G?" or "I'm the only one who hasn't orbited," or "Marcela took an air-taxi to school today." Then Michael will reply to his son, "Marcela? Oh. Is she a girl you like?" That won't change. But college kids on space stations, drone deliveries from Amazon, humans on Mars? Yes. Technology begets technology; barring an apocalypse, I only see it marching on.
Michael's 'paper homework' made me consider how paper was, at some point, the new technology. Then copy machines, worksheets, workbooks. Now iPads. My grandmother taught in a one-room country schoolhouse. They had a chalkboard. No handouts, no overheads, no projectors and reels of film. I saw the birth of VHS tapes and audio cassettes. TVs and VCRs appeared in classrooms. Calculators. I had a Trapper Keeper. There was life before email, cell phones, the internet, Google, remote controls, social media. I used an Apple IIe. For a time, my parents shopped and banked without credit cards, cash machines, Pay Pal. They used traveler's checks during our awesome faraway driving vacations. Things change. "Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in awhile, you could miss it." Ferris said that in 1986. I was in junior high. I believed him but now I don't believe, I know. Four decades of experiences, of life, moving fast.
To be clear, technology isn't always progress. Consider coffee ala Keurig, for example: convenient, but shit compared to a pourover. Or a proper espresso. The espresso machine and method utilizing steam, by the way, was invented in 1884.
My DNA results came back. I am mostly Scandinavian and Irish, as expected. My grandpa was called 'Swede' by everyone who knew him; that was one clue. I hoped for a sliver of Native American, through a mysterious great-grandmother, but I am not, apparently, unless only a few percent, which appears to be the granularity. The good news is we can admire whoever we want, and I admire bits of every culture; all have unique traditions, people, history, geography, and wisdom. Amen.
Tuesday, March 27, 2018
Thursday, March 22, 2018
Tuesday, March 20, 2018
Tuesday, March 13, 2018
#394
It's a little painful to go back and read old posts here; the writing is shitty. But I tell myself: Quit whining; artists, athletes, musicians, whatever the craft – everyone must practice. And practice and practice. We know this, thanks to Malcolm Gladwell and his 10,000-Hour Rule, "It takes decades to become an overnight sensation," and so on. So we can't be sunk by insecurity when we're only a practicer. Or, as I prefer: a novice, a neophyte; kind, inconspicuous words for someone who still sucks at something. But beginners we are, and begin we must. Otherwise, nothing. And then we practice, and there's pain, for the audience too; think of beginning violinists, new standup comics, even the baby Beatles, who played for years in Hamburg, Germany's red light district. We can't all be Beatles, but we can all begin. And we should. My early M 'n' m posts are especially bumbling, but I'm so obviously in love and excited and thankful for them, brimming and rambling, annoyingly – but I hope that comes through, if nothing else. And I keep writing because I enjoy it; like I enjoy reading, and opening presents, and watching Iowa State win football and basketball games. But writing is even better. Time disappears. I'm soothed. I feel energized, happy, unconfused. Some people do Sudoku, play tennis, cook. Whatever works for you, do that. It used to be playing basketball for me. For Michael, I think, it's music; he plays the bass and the cello. Megan loses herself in the visual arts: drawing, painting, sculpting. But M 'n' m are young; there's so much they haven't tried: snowboarding, sailing, mountain climbing, scuba diving, acting, orchid growing, hunting, making souffles, spelunking, fly fishing, woodworking, world traveling, space traveling (in our lifetimes, it seems), volunteering in various ways and places... obviously, the list is long. Nearly limitless, in fact.
The kids and I flew to Grandma and Grandpa's in Florida for a long weekend of flawless weather, ocean-swimming, boating, shopping, enjoying the beach. And stuffing our faces. Seafood, key lime pie, donuts, and Grandma's bottomless snack vault. It was perfect. We're grateful. At least I am, and Michael too; it's Megan who remains stingy with her 'pleases' and 'thank-yous' and it drives me effing crazy. I continue to growl at her about it. Which doesn't seem to help.
I complain, sure, but I also realize that Megan without her obstinacy wouldn't be Megan. And I love Megan. So I want Megan to be Megan, but with a little tweaking here and there. And I know some people want me to be me, but with a little tweaking here and there.
I read this from Tom Brady, about his kids' reaction to his Super Bowl loss, and it being a teaching moment: "That was the first time that I'd seen my kids really react in that way. You know, Benny was crying, Vivi was crying and they were sad for me and sad for the Patriots. But I just said to them, 'Look, you guys, this is a great lesson. We don't always win. We try our best and sometimes it doesn't go the way we want.'" Brady, by the way, was named the NFL MVP again this year (he's won three times) and passed for 505 yards in the 41-33 loss to the Eagles. Not bad for a 40-year-old.
The kids and I flew to Grandma and Grandpa's in Florida for a long weekend of flawless weather, ocean-swimming, boating, shopping, enjoying the beach. And stuffing our faces. Seafood, key lime pie, donuts, and Grandma's bottomless snack vault. It was perfect. We're grateful. At least I am, and Michael too; it's Megan who remains stingy with her 'pleases' and 'thank-yous' and it drives me effing crazy. I continue to growl at her about it. Which doesn't seem to help.
I complain, sure, but I also realize that Megan without her obstinacy wouldn't be Megan. And I love Megan. So I want Megan to be Megan, but with a little tweaking here and there. And I know some people want me to be me, but with a little tweaking here and there.
I read this from Tom Brady, about his kids' reaction to his Super Bowl loss, and it being a teaching moment: "That was the first time that I'd seen my kids really react in that way. You know, Benny was crying, Vivi was crying and they were sad for me and sad for the Patriots. But I just said to them, 'Look, you guys, this is a great lesson. We don't always win. We try our best and sometimes it doesn't go the way we want.'" Brady, by the way, was named the NFL MVP again this year (he's won three times) and passed for 505 yards in the 41-33 loss to the Eagles. Not bad for a 40-year-old.
Monday, March 12, 2018
Stuff About Things #19
"He laughs all the time, but if you get into a fight, I'm telling you man, you better pray he's on your side."
— The Power of One by Bryce Courtenay
When Congressional Medal of Honor recipient Audie Murphy was asked why he took on an entire company of German infantry by himself, he replied famously, "They were killing my friends."
"I'm always of the mindset that any asshole victory is short-lived. It just is. They lose. Assholes lose. They're annoying, they cause momentary hardships, but they ultimately lose, and that's a good thing."
— Jon Stewart
"I've decided it's pretty rookie to be a dick."
— Jason Bateman
"I'm a bit of a people-pleaser, unfortunately. My wife says it's hard to be married to me. She wishes I was more of an asshole."
— Hugh Jackman
"I realize now that an infinite acreage of things unknown will lose their venom once properly introduced."
— Zach Braff
"I like someone who gets up everyday and is incredibly excited about whatever he's going to learn, whether it's politics, art, his own spirituality, or just meeting someone new. You have to be interested in the rest of the world. Everything is so much bigger than you are."
— Rashida Jones
"We're supposed to be tired. That's how you build a career."
— Lady Gaga
"They conquer who believe they can."
— John Dryden
"Trials and difficult people are all just unwitting pegs on your way up the climbing wall of life."
— Ewan McGregor
"Malice is only another name for mediocrity."
— Patrick Kavanagh
"Hawk's capacity for silence was limitless, and I could endure more of it than I usually got."
— Spenser, Hundred Dollar Baby by Robert B. Parker
"Cosmic love is ruthlessly loving: whether you like it or not, it loves you, it teaches you, teases you, plays with you, surprises you."
— John C. Lilly
"Before we can become prophetic, we have to be authentic human beings, people who can exist outside a structure, who can create their own existence, who have within themselves the resources for affirming their identity and their freedom in any situation in which they find themselves. This means people capable of creating a life for themselves who are not identified with a structure."
— Thomas Merton
"Hell is easy to define. It would be spending eternity with evangelicals."
— Don Koons
"You gotta trust your stuff."
— Bob Wickman, relief pitcher
"Life not lived to be safe. Safe make you weak, make you slow, make you tired."
— Pony Flores, Blue-Eyed Devil by Robert B. Parker
"Crazy Horse laughed and said, 'You are not speaking to a white man. Whites are the only ones who make rules for other people. Camp where you please.'"
— Crazy Horse: A Life by Larry McMurtry
"The more knowledge you get, the more questions you ask. That is life."
— Georges St-Pierre, fighter
"When force of circumstance upsets your equanimity, lose no time in recovering your self-control, and do not remain out of tune longer than you can help. Habitual recurrence to the harmony will increase your mastery of it."
— Marcus Aurelius
"If you are irritated by every rub, how will you be polished?"
— Rumi
"Listen, I've done a few odd things in my life, and this is one of the odder ones. It's good for you, keeps your chops in shape, you have to wind yourself up in a different way."
— Mick Jagger
"A good example is the best sermon."
— Ben Franklin
"I am one of those who think like Nobel, that humanity will draw more good than evil from new discoveries."
— Marie Curie
"We are all failures – at least the best of us."
— James Matthew Barrie
— The Power of One by Bryce Courtenay
When Congressional Medal of Honor recipient Audie Murphy was asked why he took on an entire company of German infantry by himself, he replied famously, "They were killing my friends."
"I'm always of the mindset that any asshole victory is short-lived. It just is. They lose. Assholes lose. They're annoying, they cause momentary hardships, but they ultimately lose, and that's a good thing."
— Jon Stewart
"I've decided it's pretty rookie to be a dick."
— Jason Bateman
"I'm a bit of a people-pleaser, unfortunately. My wife says it's hard to be married to me. She wishes I was more of an asshole."
— Hugh Jackman
"I realize now that an infinite acreage of things unknown will lose their venom once properly introduced."
— Zach Braff
"I like someone who gets up everyday and is incredibly excited about whatever he's going to learn, whether it's politics, art, his own spirituality, or just meeting someone new. You have to be interested in the rest of the world. Everything is so much bigger than you are."
— Rashida Jones
"We're supposed to be tired. That's how you build a career."
— Lady Gaga
"They conquer who believe they can."
— John Dryden
"Trials and difficult people are all just unwitting pegs on your way up the climbing wall of life."
— Ewan McGregor
"Malice is only another name for mediocrity."
— Patrick Kavanagh
"Hawk's capacity for silence was limitless, and I could endure more of it than I usually got."
— Spenser, Hundred Dollar Baby by Robert B. Parker
"Cosmic love is ruthlessly loving: whether you like it or not, it loves you, it teaches you, teases you, plays with you, surprises you."
— John C. Lilly
"Before we can become prophetic, we have to be authentic human beings, people who can exist outside a structure, who can create their own existence, who have within themselves the resources for affirming their identity and their freedom in any situation in which they find themselves. This means people capable of creating a life for themselves who are not identified with a structure."
— Thomas Merton
"Hell is easy to define. It would be spending eternity with evangelicals."
— Don Koons
"You gotta trust your stuff."
— Bob Wickman, relief pitcher
"Life not lived to be safe. Safe make you weak, make you slow, make you tired."
— Pony Flores, Blue-Eyed Devil by Robert B. Parker
"Crazy Horse laughed and said, 'You are not speaking to a white man. Whites are the only ones who make rules for other people. Camp where you please.'"
— Crazy Horse: A Life by Larry McMurtry
"The more knowledge you get, the more questions you ask. That is life."
— Georges St-Pierre, fighter
"When force of circumstance upsets your equanimity, lose no time in recovering your self-control, and do not remain out of tune longer than you can help. Habitual recurrence to the harmony will increase your mastery of it."
— Marcus Aurelius
"If you are irritated by every rub, how will you be polished?"
— Rumi
"Listen, I've done a few odd things in my life, and this is one of the odder ones. It's good for you, keeps your chops in shape, you have to wind yourself up in a different way."
— Mick Jagger
"A good example is the best sermon."
— Ben Franklin
"I am one of those who think like Nobel, that humanity will draw more good than evil from new discoveries."
— Marie Curie
"We are all failures – at least the best of us."
— James Matthew Barrie
Friday, March 9, 2018
Wednesday, March 7, 2018
Stuff About Things #18
Matt Damon on how he feels about being a Dad: "The only way to describe it... it sounds stupid, but at the end of How the Grinch Stole Christmas, you know how his heart grows like five times? Everything is full; it's just full all the time."
"I've been a parent for three weeks: What do I know? I don't know anything, but it's kind of part of the beauty of it, honestly. There are a lot of instincts, a lot of things that kind of kick in and switch on. It's a beautiful experience."
— Adam Levine
"When you meet your kids you realize that they deserve great parents. And then you have your marching orders and you have to try and become the person that they deserve. My life has changed. And thank God it did."
— Ryan Gosling
"(Fatherhood) changes everything. You literally just wake up, look in the mirror, and go, 'I have no idea what I'm doing.' ... (But) all this imperfection is the best part. That's going to be the part that you remember the most."
— Justin Timberlake
"I was probably not the sort of son my my father expected but this never stopped him from being the most generous with me. He gave me a lot of freedom and at the end was almost the one that would push me forward into being me."
— Mario Testino, renowned fashion photographer
"You just do the best you can, and, as a parent, you know it when you're not doing your best."
— Seal, singer-songwriter
"Fatherhood is the best thing I ever did. It changes your perspective. You can write a book, you can make a movie, you can paint a painting, but having kids is really the most extraordinary thing I have taken on."
— Brad Pitt
"My father is my rock. It's where I learned everything about loyalty, dependability, being there day in, day out, no matter what."
— Hugh Jackman, on his dad who raised him after his parents divorced
"The big question about how people behave is whether they’ve got an Inner Scorecard or an Outer Scorecard. It helps if you can be satisfied with an Inner Scorecard."
— Warren Buffett
"We go to far less trouble making ourselves happy than appearing to be so."
― La Rochefoucauld
"The objection to conforming to usages that have become dead to you is that it scatters your force."
― Ralph Waldo Emerson
"Moral certainty is always a sign of cultural inferiority. The more uncivilized the man, the surer he is that he knows precisely what is right and what is wrong. All human progress, even in morals, has been the work of men who have doubted the current moral values, not of men who have whooped them up and tried to enforce them. The truly civilized man is always skeptical and tolerant, in this field as in all others. His culture is based on 'I am not too sure.'"
"You cannot watch the news and live a positive, faith-filled life."
― Joel Osteen
"At times the whole world seems to be in conspiracy to importune you with emphatic trifles."
― Ralph Waldo Emerson
"I don't judge another man else I walked in his shoes."
― Roy Goode, Godless
"And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.”
― Haruki Murakami
"Iron is full of impurities that weaken it, but, through forging, it becomes steel. It is the same with human beings."
― Morihei Ueshiba
"The writer is an explorer. Every step is an advance into a new land."
― Ralph Waldo Emerson
"To know what you’re going to draw, you have to begin drawing.... When I find myself facing a blank page, that’s always going through my head. What I capture in spite of myself interests me more than my own ideas."
― Ralph Waldo Emerson
"I want to write down everything I know about being afraid, but I'd probably never have enough time to write anything else. Afraid is a country where they issue us passports at birth and hope we never seek citizenship in any other country. The face of afraid keeps changing constantly, and I can count on that change. I need to travel light and fast, and there's a lot of baggage I'm going to have to leave behind me. Jettison cargo."
― Audre Lorde
"... after a course of bitter mental discipline and long bodily seclusion, I come out with two learned lessons - the wisdom of cheerfulness and the duty of social intercourse. Anguish has instructed me in joy, and solitude in society.... And altogether, I may say that the earth looks the brighter to me in proportion to my own deprivations."
― Elizabeth Barrett Browning
"He plunges into a hundred foes without thought, but before marriage he stands frozen in fear! And there are those who say he is not yet wise!"
― King Sharaman, Prince of Persia
"It is our knowledge — the things we are sure of — that makes the world go wrong and keeps us from seeing and learning."
― Lincoln Steffens
"Most people are not just comfortable in their ignorance, but hostile to anyone who points it out."
― Plato
"The most fulfilling human projects appeared inseparable from a degree of torment, the sources of our greatest joys lying awkwardly close to those of our greatest pains. Why? Because no one is able to produce a great work of art without experience, nor achieve a worldly position immediately, nor be a great lover at the first attempt; and in the interval between initial failure and subsequent success, in the gap between who we wish one day to be and who we are at present, must come pain, anxiety, envy and humiliation. We suffer because we cannot spontaneously master the ingredients of fulfillment. Nietzsche was striving to correct the belief that fulfillment must come easily or not at all, a belief ruinous in its effects, for it leads us to withdraw prematurely from challenges that might have been overcome if only we had been prepared for the savagery legitimately demanded by almost everything valuable."
― Alain de Botton
"Nothing any good isn't hard."
― F. Scott Fitzgerald
"I've been a parent for three weeks: What do I know? I don't know anything, but it's kind of part of the beauty of it, honestly. There are a lot of instincts, a lot of things that kind of kick in and switch on. It's a beautiful experience."
— Adam Levine
"When you meet your kids you realize that they deserve great parents. And then you have your marching orders and you have to try and become the person that they deserve. My life has changed. And thank God it did."
— Ryan Gosling
"(Fatherhood) changes everything. You literally just wake up, look in the mirror, and go, 'I have no idea what I'm doing.' ... (But) all this imperfection is the best part. That's going to be the part that you remember the most."
— Justin Timberlake
"I was probably not the sort of son my my father expected but this never stopped him from being the most generous with me. He gave me a lot of freedom and at the end was almost the one that would push me forward into being me."
— Mario Testino, renowned fashion photographer
"You just do the best you can, and, as a parent, you know it when you're not doing your best."
— Seal, singer-songwriter
"Fatherhood is the best thing I ever did. It changes your perspective. You can write a book, you can make a movie, you can paint a painting, but having kids is really the most extraordinary thing I have taken on."
— Brad Pitt
"My father is my rock. It's where I learned everything about loyalty, dependability, being there day in, day out, no matter what."
— Hugh Jackman, on his dad who raised him after his parents divorced
"The big question about how people behave is whether they’ve got an Inner Scorecard or an Outer Scorecard. It helps if you can be satisfied with an Inner Scorecard."
— Warren Buffett
"We go to far less trouble making ourselves happy than appearing to be so."
― La Rochefoucauld
"The objection to conforming to usages that have become dead to you is that it scatters your force."
― Ralph Waldo Emerson
"Moral certainty is always a sign of cultural inferiority. The more uncivilized the man, the surer he is that he knows precisely what is right and what is wrong. All human progress, even in morals, has been the work of men who have doubted the current moral values, not of men who have whooped them up and tried to enforce them. The truly civilized man is always skeptical and tolerant, in this field as in all others. His culture is based on 'I am not too sure.'"
― H.L. Mencken
"You cannot watch the news and live a positive, faith-filled life."
― Joel Osteen
"At times the whole world seems to be in conspiracy to importune you with emphatic trifles."
― Ralph Waldo Emerson
"I don't judge another man else I walked in his shoes."
― Roy Goode, Godless
"And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.”
― Haruki Murakami
"Iron is full of impurities that weaken it, but, through forging, it becomes steel. It is the same with human beings."
― Morihei Ueshiba
"The writer is an explorer. Every step is an advance into a new land."
― Ralph Waldo Emerson
"To know what you’re going to draw, you have to begin drawing.... When I find myself facing a blank page, that’s always going through my head. What I capture in spite of myself interests me more than my own ideas."
― Ralph Waldo Emerson
"I want to write down everything I know about being afraid, but I'd probably never have enough time to write anything else. Afraid is a country where they issue us passports at birth and hope we never seek citizenship in any other country. The face of afraid keeps changing constantly, and I can count on that change. I need to travel light and fast, and there's a lot of baggage I'm going to have to leave behind me. Jettison cargo."
― Audre Lorde
"... after a course of bitter mental discipline and long bodily seclusion, I come out with two learned lessons - the wisdom of cheerfulness and the duty of social intercourse. Anguish has instructed me in joy, and solitude in society.... And altogether, I may say that the earth looks the brighter to me in proportion to my own deprivations."
― Elizabeth Barrett Browning
"He plunges into a hundred foes without thought, but before marriage he stands frozen in fear! And there are those who say he is not yet wise!"
― King Sharaman, Prince of Persia
"It is our knowledge — the things we are sure of — that makes the world go wrong and keeps us from seeing and learning."
― Lincoln Steffens
"Most people are not just comfortable in their ignorance, but hostile to anyone who points it out."
― Plato
"The most fulfilling human projects appeared inseparable from a degree of torment, the sources of our greatest joys lying awkwardly close to those of our greatest pains. Why? Because no one is able to produce a great work of art without experience, nor achieve a worldly position immediately, nor be a great lover at the first attempt; and in the interval between initial failure and subsequent success, in the gap between who we wish one day to be and who we are at present, must come pain, anxiety, envy and humiliation. We suffer because we cannot spontaneously master the ingredients of fulfillment. Nietzsche was striving to correct the belief that fulfillment must come easily or not at all, a belief ruinous in its effects, for it leads us to withdraw prematurely from challenges that might have been overcome if only we had been prepared for the savagery legitimately demanded by almost everything valuable."
― Alain de Botton
"Nothing any good isn't hard."
― F. Scott Fitzgerald
Sunday, March 4, 2018
#393
All the Light We Cannot See won the Pulitzer and I can see
why. It's remarkably crisp and captivating so far (I'm only halfway
through). WWII-era stories really grab me because of my grandpa. But
this has been more about love, to be clear, than war. The passage below,
especially, knocked my socks off. It's beautifully written, powerfully
written, and I guess in some ways it guiltily, but gratefully, struck me
in a profound personal way as father to Megan. Yes, there is worry, but there is, indeed, a 'brightness' that is bulletproof and abiding and awesome,
even on shitty, doubt-filled days, when the inner-critic is relentless.
Thankfully, we have professionals to describe these feelings:
"There has always been a sliver of panic in him, deeply buried, when it comes to his daughter: a fear that he is no good as a father, that he is doing everything wrong. That he never quite understood the rules. All those Parisian mothers pushing buggies through the Jardin des Plantes or holding up cardigans in department stores – it seemed to him that those women nodded to each other as they passed, as though each possessed some secret knowledge that he did not. How do you ever know for certain that you are doing the right thing? There is pride, too, though – pride that he has done it alone. That his daughter is so curious and resilient. There is the humility of being a father to someone so powerful, as if he were only a narrow conduit for another, greater thing. That's how it feels right now, he thinks, kneeling beside her, rinsing her hair: as though his love for his daughter will outstrip the limits of his body. The walls could fall away, even the whole city, and the brightness of that feeling would not wane."
— Anthony Doerr, All the Light We Cannot See
"There has always been a sliver of panic in him, deeply buried, when it comes to his daughter: a fear that he is no good as a father, that he is doing everything wrong. That he never quite understood the rules. All those Parisian mothers pushing buggies through the Jardin des Plantes or holding up cardigans in department stores – it seemed to him that those women nodded to each other as they passed, as though each possessed some secret knowledge that he did not. How do you ever know for certain that you are doing the right thing? There is pride, too, though – pride that he has done it alone. That his daughter is so curious and resilient. There is the humility of being a father to someone so powerful, as if he were only a narrow conduit for another, greater thing. That's how it feels right now, he thinks, kneeling beside her, rinsing her hair: as though his love for his daughter will outstrip the limits of his body. The walls could fall away, even the whole city, and the brightness of that feeling would not wane."
— Anthony Doerr, All the Light We Cannot See
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