Life is a Smith

Does iron wrought, in furnaces hot,

     In withering heat, complain?

In life we're ore, and forged before,

     The victories can explain.

#344

I mentioned Michael wears shorts outside even when it's colder than Everest, or, my favorite: colder than a well digger's ass. I mentioned that telling him to dress warm is like talking to a brick wall. I mentioned, "To be a parent is to bore your kids with unsolicited info." And then, because life is ironic, poetic, sympathetic, unsympathetic, and so many lovely and contrary things, the kids become parents and the cycle repeats. It's like in the inharmony we find harmony – now I sound like Alan Watts – in the human cycles that have repeated since the beginning of time. Or the beginning of humanity, at least, which is something like 200,000 years ago? Although, 'civilization' – whatever that means – is only a tenth that old or less? What our parents say chaffs, if only just a little (as in my case; my parents are pretty cool). And isn't this the genesis of progress? "No son, we use spears to kill mammoths," while the kids are thinking, wouldn't it be better to like shoot the arrow from a distance? Who imbued our children with the instinct to resist, change, sometimes do the opposite. Indeed, by definition, progress always comes from the next generation. Right? The following from the book I'm reading inspired me to riff on it:

"He recalled with perfect clarity the irrelevance of old men's maxims to him when he was young. Rain against an umbrella, a young man all but sworn to the task of keeping dry. Archy was not so young anymore, and Mr. Jones had been raining down the pointless counsel on him for a good long time. No more able to restrain himself than a heavy-bellied cloud."
     — Michael Chabon, Telegraph Avenue
 
The performing arts are awesome. Concerts, recitals, ballet and dance, musicals, anything on stage. They're important. I'm always impressed and entertained. When I was Megan's age, my parents took me to Camelot at the Chicago Theater. Richard Harris was King Arthur. Not bad for a first Broadway show. My mom wanted the experience for me, and I'm grateful. I saw Cats in London, Les Miserables twice, a few others; Book of Mormon most recently until last night... Jeanette took me to Saturday Night Fever. Disco, baby, disco! It was fantastic. The energy, music, dance; I walked out high as a kite. Yeah, it's not just fun, it's important. I need to get M 'n' m to more shows.

I complained about the media...

... and labeled it a bit of a monster I fear more – as negatively impactful to M 'n' m and our collective future – than even politics. In doing so, it felt like saying I feared the mouse more than the elephant. And then the prescience of that analogy hit me – I don't mean to sound arrogant, by the way, as I think and write very simply, I'm afraid, and only stumble onto anything meaningful by accident – but isn't it the mouse that causes the elephant to stampede and crush everything? In four decades of living, I've sensed and observed political swings, seemingly calamitous, irreparable, scary at the time (to one side or the other), and in fairly short order they lose energy and stall, and then we have a counter-swing. It's a comforting pendulum to me. Maybe someday the pivot point will break, and our so-called pendulum will devastatingly fly away and not come back ... but I have yet to see it. The media, on the other hand, has metamorphosed into something unable to check its own over-tentacled power – as, theoretically, the different branches of government do for each other. (An ingenious construction, by the way; many thanks to our founding fathers.) In a discussion between Tim Ferriss and Krista Tippett, two minds I've learned much from, this was said, and it highlights a primary problem:

When (interviewers) are going for revelation, it's often in the form of making their questions sound tough; it's about how they sound and how they present, and we actually reward and laud interviewers who push their subjects into corners and embarrass them, who put people on the defensive, and then they strike out, and then that creates the conversation we talk about. I think that rarely accomplishes anything aside from something entertaining, something that demeans both sides of the conversation and demeans us by enjoying it. — Krista Tippett

Brilliantly explained, but true and sad. What is the media, the press, if not a kind of official interviewer and fact-gatherer for society, whose work we rapaciously consume and believe? Or we used to believe it anyway; polls show fewer people than ever – less than a third – trust the media "to report the news fully, accurately and fairly." I wish network news was news again, not entertainment, and certainly not a self-important 24-hour pursuit of further divisiveness, intolerance, and conflict in a world that has enough of those things already. 'Bad news' has its place and importance. But creating it crosses the line for me. The news itself is now the news, and it's not useful, meaningful, or truthful; it's just bad bullshit.

"Well you better get up to speed, dude."

A boy called Nick joined Megan for ice cream. Then the boy called Nick invited Megan to jump on a trampoline, at the boy called Nick's house. Then the boy called Nick joined Megan for a walk with Tyrion (Megan's dog at her Mom's who, thankfully, is enormous but, unthankfully, couldn't fight his way out of a paper bag, and therefore, we'll assume, isn't adequately trained to ensure space and appropriateness and to exact viciousness in response to any violation thereof. I asked Michael about it. He said, "Nick who?" I said, "The boy called Nick who is hanging out with your sister." Michael said, "Why do you keep calling him 'the boy called Nick.'" I said, "Answer the question." He said, "Sorry, I don't know any boy-called-Nicks. I don't know anything about it." I said, "Well you better get up to speed, dude."

"Love blinds even the clearest eye." — The Huntsman: Winter's War

"Wise men say, only fools rush in..." — Elvis Presley

"'Oh, I wasn't thinking,' Stranahan said. 'Love isn't about thinking. You should know that.'" — Skinny Dip by Carl Hiaasen

It's fun to joke about, but I don't plan on worrying too much about Megan and boys, or enlisting Michael as a spy.

"From infancy on, we are all spies; the shame is not this but that the secrets to be discovered are so paltry and so few." — John Updike

Although, maybe I should worry? I suppose I do and always will. I read the following quote and knew instantly John le Carre doesn't have a daughter. Seconds later, Wikipedia confirmed it for me. He has four sons. "Most people like to read about intrigue and spies. I hope to provide a metaphor for the average reader's daily life. Most of us are in a slightly conspiratorial relationship with our employer and perhaps in our marriage." Employer, spouse, but no mention of kids/daughters? Dead giveaway.

I've heard some brilliant people claim...

... Rainer Maria Rilke is one of their favorite poets. His work is especially powerful, lyrical, luminous, they say.

I really love this one, from his Book of Hours: Love Poems to God

“God speaks to each of us as he makes us,
then walks with us silently out of the night.
These are the words we dimly hear:
You, sent out beyond your recall,
go to the limits of your longing.
Embody me.
Flare up like a flame
and make big shadows I can move in.
Let everything happen to you: beauty and terror.
Just keep going. No feeling is final.
Don't let yourself lose me.
Nearby is the country they call life.
You will know it by its seriousness.
Give me your hand.”

#343

Would I be Captain Obvious to say that people seem peevish lately about politics, the President, the media, conservatives / liberals, Republicans / Democrats, accusations, lies, the horror! IT'S WORSE THAN EVER! Or is it? What would people from Kent State in 1970 say? Or people who marched with Dr. King in 1963. Are things worse? The same? My hunch is they're better, but I've been embarrassingly naive before. I don't live in Aleppo either. I'll admit humanity isn't running low on flaws. I'm afraid we'll always, in some circumstances, treat and govern ourselves poorly. And we keep growing. Over seven billion people now, maybe 10 billion by 2050. What does that do to the world? We'll see. I predict progress, but setbacks too, swings and shiftings; it's never as bad as we think, or as good. The apocalypse will suck, but.... Ah, kidding. In fact, here's a simplification or distillation of how I truly feel, pure, untwistable, ultimately optimistic: I feel lucky to be alive now versus any era previously. I say this considering the safety, well-being, and experiences of M 'n' m and everyone I've shared life with.

So I'm optimistic, even though people and institutions can still be grossly and destructively possessive, greedy, negligent, e.g. ongoing wars, North Korea, starving children, the financial crisis of 2008. Humanity isn't running low on flaws. Will history repeat itself? All the bad things? I hope not, and in the meantime, I root for the good guys, and there are a lot of 'em. We know, in our hearts, who they are; we know what's right; we're just slow or back-and-forth arriving at it. There are good people everywhere; it's always been this way and always will be. That is inspiring.

So what's left to complain about? Lately, for me, it's one of institutions mentioned above, one that has modernized and spread, but also splintered and veered toward a ridiculousness that might, ironically, save us from it, save us from taking it seriously. The media. More Captain Obvious: Humans like to be entertained, informed, and warned. It's evolutionary. We assume the worst and almost crave it in shocking headlines. And news outlets are happy to provide and profit. When I was M 'n' m's age, I thpught the media was a tone-setter and truth-keeper for society. It's never been that exactly, but it isn't now for sure. It's entertainment, propaganda, overdriven by emotion and opinion, incendiary, defamatory, divisive, scary, heavy on commentary, light on facts. I'm afraid they're all paparazzi now, even the anchors; break the story, get the shot, no matter who you trample, tarnish, violate; truth is an afterthought. I hope M 'n' m are wary of how they consume news. These days it feels like 'pick your poison.' They'll probably 'pick' Instagram instead of the networks I'm referring to.

"Thank God the cable-news punditry and the online peanut gallery were on the job 25 hours a day to put vital developments, no matter how trivial, into warped perspective and make matters worse." 
     – James Wolcott

"If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you do read the newspaper, you're misinformed.... We live in a society now where it's just first, who cares, just get (the news) out there, we don't care who it hurts, we don't care who it destroys, we don't care if it's true, just say it, sell it. Anything you practice, you'll get good at, including BS." 
    – Denzel Washington

To me, happiness. And storytelling, profundity, history, human nature, love, wit, art, books.

#342

Michael wore my jeans today. They're snug on his legs, loose at the waist; he doesn't have bird legs like me, popsicle sticks, wine glass stems. The first time he does a squat lift, he'll do more than I ever could. My max, sadly, was something around body weight. This is embarrassing if you've ever been in a gym and seen a barbell, packed with 45 lb plates, bending over a guy's shoulders, as he sinks into a full seated squat, then rises, shakily, grunting and driving until he's standing again. The squat is an exercise for real men (and women). I was more of a 'curls for the girls' kinda guy.

Michael's pants are all at his mother's. It's a challenge for M 'n' m I've mentioned before: children of divorced, custody-sharing parents have two homes, two closets, two dressers; it applies to desks, books, school supplies, shoe and coat racks, sports stuff, music stuff, devices and chargers, you get it. It's a pain in the ass I never had to deal with as a kid, and I'm grateful. Whenever I pick up Michael in the evening, he's in shorts, even in Siberia weather. Whiteout snow, you spit and it freezes before it hits the ground, he doesn't care. I explain to him, sure, the car is warm, but what if we're in an accident? What if we have to exit the vehicle, and stand and wait for authorities, or help other people? My words mean nothing because he's never had a 'surprise' like this. But life is full of surprises. I'll never forget the times I've been unexpectedly scared and freezing. Michael hasn't had any moments like this apparently. I'm afraid we all do, eventually, and we learn. My grandfather was wise; he said, "Those who won't listen, must feel."

As for jokes about 'who wears the pants' when it comes to M 'n' m and me, that's easy: Megan.

Megan runs the show. She tries to anyway. Michael and I are alternately scornful, instructive, or dismissive when she is surly and bossy. I just made it sound like we're all horrible. Well, Megan loves her brother dearly, and I love Megan, and I love Michael too, and the sun still rises and sets and I think we're doing okay. For now.

"If—"

by Nobel Prize winner Rudyard Kipling, written in 1895, my favorite recitation – you can find it on YouTube – was performed by Dennis Hopper on The Johnny Cash show

If you can keep your head when all about you

 Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
  But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
  Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,
  And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;
  If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
  And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
  Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
  And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make a heap of all your winnings
  And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
  And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
  To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
  Except the Will which says to them: “Hold on!”

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
  Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
  If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
  With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
  And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!

These images don't apply anymore...

... They don't fit. Michael's days of being little are over. Megan is the tallest girl on her basketball team. And yet, pics like this will always work in my mind and memory – cheesily, granted – and I hope they do for my parents, and all parents, forever.

#341

A word on religion. Which feels okay since politics is the real jukebox-kicker right now. Don't mention politics, don't mention politics, don't mention.... I'm warning myself, even though I have no desire. But religion, by comparison, seems very tame right now. Religion? Pffft, borrr-ing. And this is for M 'n' m anyway; to be a parent is to bore your kids with unsolicited info, even your views on religion and spirituality. I think spirituality is important. And fascinating. And healthy; why shouldn't we think about the big picture, the possibilities, the reasons, structures, rituals, feelings? I'm a believer, usually. Usually? Yeah, like Liam Neeson who inspired me today; I just read about him; I have doubtful days (although fewer than he does). Neeson is Irish; he witnessed the 'Troubles,' an ethno-nationalist conflict, they say, not a religious war, although one side was Catholic and the other Protestant. Wars are often religious. And so I struggle, I'm conflicted, when I hear 'God is love' and 'turn the other cheek.' And yet, I'm not afraid of ambiguity, and I do believe that God's ways are not man's ways (paraphrasing the Bible, Isaiah 55) and the fact that Jesus is known for this statement of facing violence with nonviolence... I suppose it's one of many reasons I'm attracted to him and his teaching; it is so radical and not typically human, inclusion and compassion for strangers, outcasts, even enemies. I find Buddhism interesting and inspiring, and Native American belief systems. They are 'religions' inspired by people who wanted to heal, teach, advocate gratitude and personal peace, and alleviate suffering. Sounds good to me. I don't know enough about Hinduism and Islam to comment, but they are certainly big; I've never lived in their cultures and geographies, although I have friends who practice them and I ask questions (respectfully, rarely). Back to Neeson and doubt: he lost his wife suddenly and tragically in a skiing accident. "These days he's not sure he believes in God," an interviewer says of him in Men's Journal. But, from Neeson himself: "I admire people with true faith, like my mother, who's 90 and gets annoyed if she can't walk to Mass Sunday morning. 'Mom, you're 90! It's OK! God will forgive you.'" I agree. I admire the deeply devoted also, the seemingly doubt-impervious; they become faithful and strong people. Several folks in my family never miss weekly services (although who really knows the depth of their faith and reasons for adherence). Regarding doubt and its causes, my grandfather comes to mind. He was a draftee in WWII, where he witnessed – his words now, from a letter – "my buddies getting killed everyday right alongside of me." His unit also liberated Mauthausen-Gusen concentration camp. I can't imagine what he saw, heard, smelled, felt, experienced. Pictures are only pictures. So he lost his appetite for church after the war and I think this is utterly understandable. And yet he was a philosopher, according to his oldest son. Did he still believe in a higher power, a greater force that created and moves the universe; and only found lacking man's attempt to interpret and institutionalize faith, and man's ugly propensity to proselytize and judge? Who knows. And if God is, is God loving or indifferent? I hope M 'n' m have an open, discerning mind, and a faithful, loving heart. And if those things aren't in constant harmony and agreement, and instead M 'n' m have moments of discomfort, doubt, and confusion about spirituality, I guess they'll be like me. I tell myself it's okay if the creator of something like our universe is beyond my comprehension. I don't fully understand physics either, black holes and space-time and shit. I got a B- in Physics 221 at Iowa State. It was effing hard.

Let your religion be less of a theory and more of a love affair. 
     ― G.K. Chesterton

My religion is very simple. My religion is kindness. 
     ― Dalai Lama

When I do good, I feel good. When I do bad, I feel bad. That's my religion. Abraham Lincoln
Read more at: https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/a/abrahamlin106095.html

When I do good, I feel good. When I do bad, I feel bad. That's my religion.
     ― Abraham Lincoln

Thomas, one of the twelve, wasn't with them when Jesus came. The others kept telling him, "We've seen the Lord!" But Thomas said, "Unless I see the nail marks in his hands, and put my finger in the wounds, and put my hand into his side, I will not believe." 
     ― John 20:24-25

I still say a church steeple with a lightning rod on top shows a lack of confidence. 
     ― Doug McLeod 

If Jesus had been killed twenty years ago, Catholic school children would be wearing little electric chairs around their necks instead of crosses. 
     ― Lenny Bruce

In reality, there are as many religions as there are individuals.
     ― Gandhi

And the peace of God, which transcends/surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.  
     ― Philippians 4:7

A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples.
     ― John 13:34-35

I like to wonder: What if God loves us as much as we love our children? As much as I love M 'n' m? This is a very, very powerful thought, idea, proposition to me, and it makes me think of the lyrics below. Love songs, I get it, but I think of M 'n' m, and others I love:

I'm so in love with you
You'll never take that away
And if I said it a hundred times before
Expect a thousand more
You'll never take that away
     ―Blue October, Calling You

My song is love
My song is love, unknown
But I'm on fire for you, clearly
You don't have to be alone
You don't have to be on your own
     ― Coldplay, A Message